100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1)

Interesting list from a New York Times blog:

October 29, 2009, 12:39 pm
One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1)
By Bruce Buschel

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.

2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.

3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.

5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.

6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.

7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”

16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”

19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.

20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.

25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.

26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.

27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.

28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.

29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.

30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.

31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.

34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.

35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.

36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.

37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.

38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.

43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.

44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.

45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.

48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.

49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.

50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

Next week: 51-100.

Chris, most of these points are good and sound, but I would never work for anyone who handed me a list filled with so much negativity. My rule of thumb: Don't work for anyone who can't make a positive request.

Working with the public is very challenging and if one's head if filled with a bunch of don'ts it can be paralysing. I imagime this would produced the exact same automaton effect the writer is trying to avoid.

I wrote an extended version of this to the editor of the Times, though I doubt it will get published.

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?

Curses no! I've been preempted! (the bold type on "libertarians" didn't show up well, so I'll reiterate it for the sake of my point )

Regardless, I think the majority of this list is comprised of sound advice. Not serving "creepy" food is probably a good plan, unless of course you're eating ama ebi at a sushi restaurant! Not banging into chairs or tables is also wise. However while we're stating the obvious, we should probably also remind them not to stab customers with the cutlery after they tip poorly. They especially shouldn't announce to a whole forum worth of foodies that they should stay home for perceived injustices!

Now that I've had my fun, I do take exception to the tone of this piece. I personally don't mind when a server recommends a favorite dish or dessert, especially if its a special and I haven't had the opportunity to try it before. Calling such an opinion "irrelevant" is needlessly harsh.

Additionally, the statement "Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness," is absurd. The author makes a comment about how Hamlet can be different even if the performer hits all the same marks, but he's obviously forgotten that all plays are not Hamlet and that different attitudes are required for different performances. Similarly, not all restaurants aspire to fine dining greatness. Jokes and cuteness might not be welcome at a place like 610 Magnolia, but perfectly acceptable at a place like 360 or a dive bar. As diners, we really should try to maintain perspective, something that I feel Mr. Buschel lost a long time ago.

These were great! We should also comprise a list for diners as well. Even if a restaurant and food server's job is to make a diner feel at home, welcome and valued, there would still some things a diner should never do. Like snap their fingers for a food server for one.

As a diner, I can't find to much to quibble with on the list. Of course, I don't frequent "dive bars" any more, so I leave the appropriateness of the list for that environment to those with more experience in that arena.
I'd love to see a list of "Diner Don'ts" and I suspect I'd be in general agreement with them as well.

I think this dude should figure out what really matters to him and start with those.

If I were a server of his, I would take the "100 Rules" to be a judgment of my ability to do my job. Or, more basically, act like a decent human being. Seems to be some power issues at play here as well as a general issue with perceived competence. He should spend more time hiring competent staff and less time overwhelming them with rules.

Now, obviously, there are concepts on this list that every server should learn at some point. As a server (so the person being taught) and now as a teacher, I've always found constructive conversation to be more more helpful and influential than dogmatic commandments.

this will be fun, i'm sure........feel free to add to this as we progress

10+ things that Diners SHOULD ALWAYS do -

1. Always read the signs at the restaurant (respect the hours, the dress code, the employees only areas, the please wait to be seated, etc)

2. Turn off your cell phones

3. Treat the restaurant and the staff with respect (same for the diners around you)

4. When a waiter/waitress approaches your table, create a pause in your conversation, so we can slake your thirst and get the kitchen started on your order

5. Be aware of your surroundings (if there are no empty tables and a line out the door, try to exercise a little patience - do not sit in obvious walk ways or door ways)

6. Sit where the hostess wants you to sit (i'm sorry, but you can not rearrange an entire restaurant to suit your needs)

7. Please, please, please - Read the menu before ordering, most of the answers to your questions can be found there

8. Speak to the staff in a reasonable manner, say "excuse me" - please don't whistle or snap your fingers

9. If you are unsure about what something is, please ask? We understand that you may not know every culinary trick the kitchen is using and for the most part we should be able to answer your questions quickly. (for example - daikon ponzu sauce, ceviche, tandoori, etc)

10. Be happy and smile, you are about to be served great food and drink, sit back relax and enjoy yourself - let us do our jobs, i promise that most us know what we're doing and are prepared to earn that 25% tip you're going to leave us

Shawn-
Good list. I'll quibble just a bit with #2. I think it is OK to leave the phone on vibrate and take emergency calls from babysitters/elderly parents. Take the call, keep it short or excuse yourself from the table so as to not disturb others.
I agree with #1, but admit some confusion regarding closing hours. If the signs say open until 10PM, does that generally mean I can be seated at 9:59 or does it mean the house expects my ass to be gone at 10PM or very shortly thereafter??
BP

Buschel's list is just too negative and in my opinion leads to a dull, robotic style of service which tells you nothing about the soul/personality of a restaurant.

Continuing the use of the viable acting metaphor, its like Hamlet being read without inflection on the exact same set with that just perfect lighting every single time. It is akin to Keanu Reeves or Brendan Fraser playing Hamlet

I agree with most of the points made by Buschel, but those are all common sense and should be treated as such.


Most of that list can be covered in "25 things staffers SHOULD ALWAYS do"

shawn

I agree Bill

Speak to the staff in a reasonable manner, say "excuse me" - please don't whistle or snap your fingers

This is the top reason I was never a server and stuck to the kitchen.

I agree with most of the points made by Buschel, but those are all common sense and should be treated as such.

That's the problem. It's no longer common with some people.

If the signs say open until 10PM, does that generally mean I can be seated at 9:59 or does it mean the house expects my ass to be gone at 10PM or very shortly thereafter??

Most kitchens will close, but the restaurant itself will not at 10:00.

I would never, ever, ever whistle or snap my fingers at wait staff. How RUDE!

Bill
I think the closing hour is always a good question to ask.

It works differently at many restaurants, at the CPC we close the kitchen down a half hour before we close, we're pretty good about telling people this when they call and ask "what time do you close?"
So we stop seating guests at 10:30 if we close at 11

There are several places in Louisville that will seat you until their closing time.

I would always call first, if you are not sure

I would never, ever, ever whistle or snap my fingers at wait staff. How RUDE!

Nor at anyone for that matter. I once had a person whistle to get my attention and my reply was: WOOF!

That would certainly be my reply! Hell, I don't whistle or snap at my dogs, either!