It Turned South, Quick...

You're probably reading this.

I left your restaurant last night in a huff because of your attitude. No, I will not call you out and hurt the many people I know in that fine establishment.

Yeah, I was with a dear friend who is an older gay gentleman. So what? Just because we are friends doesn't mean anything. I have lots of friends and the last time I checked sexual orientation isn't on my 'give a shit' list.

He's a great and kind person and I count myself lucky to be his friend.

What you didn't know is that I speak restaurant language- I know when you're insulting me and mine through a veil. Yep- saw you at the computer scowling and winding up for that one.

Now I don't know you, but I do know that the next time I come into that restaurant you won't be there. That one act shows me the fatal flaw- that you shouldn't be in this business. We take care of everyone, regardless.

It kills me that I took my friend to dinner (in his neighborhood, mind you) at a truly great restaurant. You guys were firing on all cylinders- his eyes were all lit up. I was laughing- 'told you so.'

And then that? Seriously?

I know, I know- you'll tell your boss that there was some misinterpretation of language. I suspect this isn't the first issue you've had nor the first excuse. Once again- I literally watched you wind up to insult this man.

You actually went out of your way to do this. We weren't your guests. The Bar Manager was taking care of us. You actually interjected yourself in our conversation to insult us.

It's too bad- I should be spending these words talking about how cool your restaurant is. Instead, I'm talking about how it turned South, quick.

By the way...

The fella you insulted owns or manages a good portion of the city. Tada! You never know who you're taking care of, so take care of them all.

Stephen, I'm so sorry to hear of your unpleasant experience. I know what a violation it would be to mention the name of this restaurant, but frankly, as an "older gay gentleman" myself, I'd like very much NOT to waste my time and money in a place that is likely going to treat me rudely.

[Robin Garr]

Stephen, I'm so sorry to hear of your unpleasant experience. I know what a violation it would be to mention the name of this restaurant, but frankly, as an "older gay gentleman" myself, I'd like very much NOT to waste my time and money in a place that is likely going to treat me rudely.

As a straight gentleman who's not down with bigotry, I'd kind of like a clue, too.

I cannot do that, with all due respect.

His behavior in no way represented the restaurant. They should not be harmed. Like I said they're brilliant- the whole experience was almost flawless- indeed exceptional.

It should be said that when I come into an establishment, I am an 'anti-critic.' I am looking to sing one's praises. If I have a less-than-desirable experience, I'll chalk it up to 'whatever' and just not write about it.

That got my hackles, though- they knew it. I promise you, if I get that serious about something- it's something worth getting serious about.

I'm interested in what specifically the server said or did to indicate that he/she was anti-gay. I've had my fair share of servers who have bad attitudes, but I wouldn't feel comfortable assigning intent to their behavior without knowing additional information.

Thank you for standing up for your friend.

I cannot do that, with all due respect.

Then what was the point of the thread in the first place? Because you think or hope this server will read this forum and this thread?

If you want to call out bigotry thats great. But then call it out in the open and let everyone know whats what. Otherwise your publicly posting a private comment, and should simply slip the bigot your comment on a cocktail napkin next time.

I cannot do that, with all due respect.

Then what was the point of the thread in the first place? Because you think or hope this server will read this forum and this thread?

If you want to call out bigotry thats great. But then call it out in the open and let everyone know whats what. Otherwise your publicly posting a private comment, and should simply slip the bigot your comment on a cocktail napkin next time.

Lovely.

When I made the original post I knew a couple of things would happen:

a) The person would be held to the fire without the restaurant being held responsible. Good.

b) Someone like you would try to give me grief over it. No- my action was very smart, almost surgical. I'm not trying to get everybody in a roar over this. You can criticize all you want about the way I handled this affair, but I am right (and I just tip-toed on the end of a string to make it so.) Every Restaurateur in the city is giving me a high-five right now.

At the end of the day- 'you will fall in love with each of your guests. You will treat them like family.' Do we have a problem? Come talk to me...

Way to go Stephen.

From another Stephen

...

No- my action was very smart, almost surgical. I'm not trying to get everybody in a roar over this. You can criticize all you want about the way I handled this affair, but I am right (and I just tip-toed on the end of a string to make it so.) Every Restaurateur in the city is giving me a high-five right now.

At the end of the day- 'you will fall in love with each of your guests. You will treat them like family.' Do we have a problem? Come talk to me...

To do something in a surgical manner means to do it precisely. What you have done is posted in a web forum that you went to a restaurant that you won't name, had a server that you won't identify, and that this server did or said something that you won't discuss. I would argue that this is far from surgical. Rather, I would say that this is bordering on passive-aggressive. If you wanted to handle this in a smart, surgical manner, I believe the proper action would have been to speak directly to the manager, and to tell him/her what happened and what you believe should be done about it.

I'm thinking that the OP is more of a redacted after action report, not the actual action.

...

No- my action was very smart, almost surgical. I'm not trying to get everybody in a roar over this. You can criticize all you want about the way I handled this affair, but I am right (and I just tip-toed on the end of a string to make it so.) Every Restaurateur in the city is giving me a high-five right now.

At the end of the day- 'you will fall in love with each of your guests. You will treat them like family.' Do we have a problem? Come talk to me...

To do something in a surgical manner means to do it precisely. What you have done is posted in a web forum that you went to a restaurant that you won't name, had a server that you won't identify, and that this server did or said something that you won't discuss. I would argue that this is far from surgical. Rather, I would say that this is bordering on passive-aggressive. If you wanted to handle this in a smart, surgical manner, I believe the proper action would have been to speak directly to the manager, and to tell him/her what happened and what you believe should be done about it.

Boom

Way to go Stephen- we work in such a tight community that I know someone at that restaurant will read the post, know who you are and who the culprit is. I'm sure it will be taken care of, and because of your classy post the reputation of a good establishment won't be sullied.
All the rest is chatter.
I'm proud as an older gay man (well not THAT old) to call you a friend.

I don't understand. How will the restaurant you are speaking about a) know it is them, and b) know which waiter you are talking about? Is it because the owner of the restaurant knows you and knows you were in that night? You seem fairly confident that the waiter in question will be fired. Is this because he is easily identiable. Bigotry is nasty in any shap or form, but I would have thought it would have been a lot more satisfactory to complain to the owner or manager at the time.