Time to own up to your "kitchen disasters"

All,

We've all had our shares of "kitchen disasters", here are a couple of the more recent ones I'll own up to:

On Saturday night, I was preparing a cheesecake to take to Gayle "Windy" DeM's holiday gathering. This was the first time Becky had put me in charge of baking anything (I'm usually "the helper") and I was determined to do a good job. I carefully followed the recipe, preparing the crust, mixing everything just so, baking it at just the right temp. Two hours after the first package of cream cheese hit the mixer I was looking at a gorgeous cheesecake. I carefully ran a knife around the edge of the cake so that it wouldn't crack and then gently nudged open the latch on the spring form pan and removed the ring. Success !!!...a work of art. I was so proud. I gently picked up the cheesecake and ever so slowly moved it toward another spot on the kitchen counter. Then...right before my eyes a big crack began to appear across the top of the cake followed a moment later by a big "SPLAT" as the cheesecake disintegrated all over the floor, into (both sides of) the sink, all over the counter top and of course I wore a good portion of it on my pants and shirt. What a MESS !!! Turns out that one is supposed to let the cheesecake cool ("set up") before one removes the ring holding the whole thing together. Personally I'm going to put this one on the "trainer" as opposed to the "trainee" (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)...What say all of you ?

In another, somewhat less major disaster...A couple of weeks ago I had a "hankering" for a breakfast of biscuits, country ham and "redeye" gravy. So I'm in the kitchen whipping up something good. I got the eggs going and the biscuits baking, the ham in the frying pan and a half a pot of "earlier this morning" coffee in the coffee pot. "Redeye" gravy is one of those sinful pleasures that I will only allow myself a couple of times a year and my mouth is just a watering with the thought of all this cholesterol racing into my veins. So everything is finally ready and I sit down to this wonderful breakfast...Only to discover/remember that the COFFEE that I had used to make my gravy with was some kind of chocolate/amaretto/hazelnut "foo-foo" coffee. Gordon Ramsey would have no doubt slammed this meal, plate and all against the wall and chastised me severely for trying to poison him. It was THAT "yukky"

OK...a public confession and three "hail mary's" and my cooking conscious is now clean. What say you all ?...Does anyone else have a "kitchen disaster" they would like to own up to

Great topic, Steve! I can just picture you....was Becky standing right there? Or did you have to go 'fess up?

I have too many stories to count, let's see here...

There was the time in culinary school when I was asked to strain the stock, whereupon I set a strainer in the sink and carefully poured the stockpot into the strainer, only to realize at the last minute that I'd poured the rich, delicious work of hours down the drain and saved the bones and mushy vegetables in the colander...

Then there was the time I made tiramisu with salt instead of sugar, and didn't figure it out until the pan of dessert was nicely decorated and I was on my way to the sink with the bowl, and just "had to have one little taste" of the filling...

Or how about the other day when I got half a coconut cake frosted with my special coconut frosting only to figure out it was actually a lemon cake...

Or the time I needed my hands free to carry something up a long set of kitchen stairs, so I put the two raw eggs I also needed in my pocket, then ran up the stairs...

I'm sure I'll think of some more - meanwhile, people who giggle with glee at others' culinary misfortunes, please check out this book: Don't Try This at Home: Culinary Catastrophes from the World's Greatest Chefs. It brought me a lot of schaedenfreud-ish pleasure, that's for sure. It'd make a great foodie holiday gift, too!

Oh my, I have a good one for this .....

My first dinner party in my first condo in Nashville. I had redone the place stem to stern, and had bought a wonderful new range for the kitchen. I was baking my 4 cheese potatoes, when the time sounded for me to remove them, and low and behold, the oven door had locked, and the oven had gone into self cleaning mode (a "quirk" I found out that the darned thing had been recalled for when I had the repairman out).

I pull the plug, but it's too late, the potatoes are ruined, and smoking, and house is full of smoke, I have the patio door open, the front door open, and I'm out side coughing, and I look up and see the dog standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at me, sneezing, and she won't budge. So i go back in, get her, and let her out of the smoke......

Needless to say, we went out to dinner that night......

When I was babysitting with a friend on mine back in high school, we set the toaster on fire making pop tarts. I'm sure there are others, but that's the one that sticks out in my mind.

Or how about the other day when I got half a coconut cake frosted with my special coconut frosting only to figure out it was actually a lemon cake...

So what's wrong with that, Marsha??? Next time you do that, post it here...I'm sure you will find some takers

Well, sometimes it seems that you never can put enough cooking spray on your bundt or muffin pan. I made a banana bundt cake and was going to put chocolate icing on top, but the cake split as I removed it from the pan. It was in large chunks. So I put it together and took several bananas (that I needed to use anyway), cut them up, and used them to hold the cake together. Then I took the chocolate icing and warmed it up so it would drizzle. Then I took marischino cherries and put those on top. It ended up turning out quite nicely.

And then there is the time I made a pineapple casserole and, first of all, I forgot to double the quantity when I went to the store, so I had a smaller amount than I had planned. Then, I had put cinnamon on top when done, but it was very uneven because of it coming out of the container too fast. So I go over to the sink and tip it unevenly, and the whole thing falls out of the pan! I think it was because I had used a pan that was suited to a double recipe.

Once I was making rice pudding to use up milk, and I was boiling the milk and was about to add the rice when I noticed this black stuff floating in it! I took it out and examined it. It was the teflon off the bottom of my pan! It was really, really disgusting!

Well, I was baking pies for a family reunion. My great aunt bought kitchen staples in bulk from a Mennonite grocery. What I thought was sugar in a gallon pickle jar was salt. I didn't know until one pie was gone and the other was already cut into. Needless to say, I always taste anything I'm baking...

I have a reputation in my family for being a horrible cook. My daughter says it is ill- deserved but she is a loyal child dear thing. Never the less, I have a collection of , not mere 'slip ups' but mine are more in the line of ' Jeez- Carla -are- you-trying -to kill-us?!' vein.
When I was a young lady one of my adorable boyfriends tried to teach me how to cook. The first lesson was fried porkchops. Pretty simple.... salt pepper and flour the chops, fry in a bit of hot oil, reserve the drippings, add a bit of flour and brown for gravy. Add milk til thickens and voila! Pork chops and gravy!
"Wasn't that easy? You can use the same steps for other kinds of meat as well." he tells me. Cool!
I tried it with a trout.....

Well today, while flying threw red peppers, I managed to "slice" off my finger nail. sorry if this was gross.

I had to make sure that I would get caught if I passed out (yes that bad), our server Jen said she would catch me, and then proceeded to patch me up! .. I cannot take off the bandage ...too chicken.

Well today, while flying threw red peppers, I managed to "slice" off my finger nail. sorry if this was gross.

I had to make sure that I would get caught if I passed out (yes that bad), our server Jen said she would catch me, and then proceeded to patch me up! .. I cannot take off the bandage ...too chicken.

Dang...that leaves a mark. Sure wish you a speedy recovery. OW !!!

I've accidentally fallen asleep waiting for eggs to boil twice in my life... that smell just doesn't leave!

I also remember putting a whole egg in the microwave back in the day. Also didn't work out so well for me!

While at an outdoor birthday party at a former (no wonder) mother-in-law's home, I snuck in the house and popped a small gold rimmed bowl full of really hard ice cream in her microwave for a 15 second softening........GOLD RIM goes to 3 million degrees.........It welds itself to both sides of my upper lip (couldn't resist a sip of that luscious cream). I jerk in a crazy reflex move slinging the bowl and contents all about her spotless kitchen. Boy was my ex proud.

How's that for an "Own Up"

The foil wrapper from a pop-tart makes pretty fireworks in the microwave. Not that I would know or anything...

I, too, have learned that boiled eggs do NOT go in the microwave. That took days to clean up.

Sliced finger update........ Much better, nice clean cut....... that's knife skill!

#1: Attempting to make pesto for the first time and put a big wad (virtually my whole backyard crop) of basil in the blender. At some point, the blade was spinning inside the basil without blending it, so I get the bright idea to scrape down the sides.....with a wooden spoon.....with the blender running. I maneuvered a little too close to the spinning blade and ended up with wood shards in the mix and a ruined spoon. How often do the toothpicks come served IN the dish?

#2: I watched Mario Batali make fresh pasta on TV - you've seen it: he mounds up flour on the countertop, punches a little well in the top of the mound, cracks a few eggs into the well, and deftly works the flour into the egg with a fork until it all comes together in a nice ball of pasta dough. It looked simple enough on TV. But, I had a breach in the sidewalls of my flour mound and the eggs ran out on the counter and to the floor. Now I do it in a bowl.

Sliced finger update........ Much better, nice clean cut....... that's knife skill!

That was an attractive wound...