by Alison Hanover » Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:27 pm
Sorry my link didn't work, here is the article cut and pasted.
I would like to start this by saying, there are always two sides to every story. And as a patron of any dining establishment, you are obviously not expected in any way to bend over backward for your sever. That is the service we are to provide to you. However, you tend to get better service when we can see you actually appreciate what we are trying to do for you, and it comes down to more than the tip. So here are some guidelines on how to treat your server, and for that matter, the other restaurant patrons around you, with a little more respect. Because we all know, you get what you give!
-It never hurts to smile. On either side of the table. If you had a bad day, just like you would expect your server not to take their bad day out on you, do not do it to them. It's that golden rule thing, and it always applies.
-Make eye contact. Only 10% of communication is what is being said. The rest is all about interpretation. It is easier for a server to understand you when you are looking at them, speaking clearly (we all now how loud restaurants can get, especially on the weekends), and your body language is as open as you expect theirs to be. Don't mumble, don't keep your nose in the menu the entire time, and don't act like you are in a position of power. When one person handles the food, and the other handles the money, no one really has power. It's kind of a draw...
-Allow me to do my job. When you are nice, and engaging, I will be as well. And that is part of my job. Otherwise I really am just an order taker. Like I said, as a guest, you are not expected to jump through hoops, but you are expected to treat your server with respect. And I have seen people get kicked out of restaurants for being abusive to servers!
-Ask questions! I am here to answer them for you, and if I have been doing my job properly, I should be able to answer most of them for you. Just realize when my other tables might be getting testy with me for spending so much time answering questions and don't completely commandeer me.
-If you have food allergies, tell me. Believe it or not, restaurant workers get no sick pleasure out of making people's throats close up on them. But also respect the fact that I am giving you that extra attention, and asking the kitchen to pay extra attention, and maybe allow a little bit more time (within reason, of course).
-If you have children, and they do not behave, do not bring them somewhere where there is glass, hot food and drinks, and people who are trying to do their jobs that consist of running around like the proverbial headless chicken. I have tripped over children. I do not think it is cute. Neither does the table whose food I just dropped almost on your kid's head. If it isn't a family restaurant and you have not taken the time to educate your children on how to behave in a restaurant (ANY restaurant), get a babysitter or eat at home. Take out is another option, and just about every restaurant offers it.
-Speaking of takeout, while it is not customary to tip 15%, or more, on a take out order, the server still has to most likely take time out of dealing with the table they have to answer questions when you place the order, ring it up, confirm that the food is right when your order is up, package things up for you, and depending on the restaurant possibly still hook you up with the freebies that you would get if you were dining in (like table bread, things of that nature). Even a buck is appreciated. If it $100 in take out, $5-10. On a busy night, someone's table can suffer for those moments of helping you out, and in service time is money.
-Camping. This one is a favorite of mine. If the restaurant is busy, do NOT spend an hour or more after your meal taking up space. There are other people waiting to be seated, and if you are not willing to compensate your server for that time. they are losing money! If I fill your water glass ten times after you have paid the bill, I have still given you service, and should be compensated accordingly. I have never rushed a table out of the restaurant in an effort to turn tables, so in turn, it is appreciated when a table realizes that their time is up and call it a night.
-One more thing about camping, if you come in less than a half an hour before closing, that is not the time to have a three hour meal. I am also not saying you have to rush, but it is extremely rude to keep someone on their job for two extra hours so that you can catch up with your friends. When I have finished all of my side work for the evening, the kitchen is long gone, and I am the last employee in the restaurant (which by the way, is unsafe, walking out to the parking lot with not one else when it's late at night, would you want your son or daughter stuck in that position, restaurants do occasionally get robbed), it is time to go. We have lives too, and someone may even need to go pick up their kid from a babysitter or have another obligation. The bars are open 'til two, finish your conversation there.
-Be considerate of your fellow patrons. Don't hog your server. Don't talk on your cell phone so loud that everyone in the restaurant can hear how you are doing in the stock market. And if you are sitting near another table and an errant wine glass or piece of food hits one of them in the back, admit fault. What are they going to do? Don't let your server take the blame. I have actually had this happen to me before.
-If you have loud children who leave a big mess, two things: 1) see if you can be seated somewhere where it will not affect the other guests' dining experiences, and 2) leave a little extra tip for the clean up. Part of service is to have things looking presentable for all guests at all times.
-Realize that the order taking, presenting, and serving of food is really only half of a server's job. Side work is the other half. Servers have to come in early to tidy up the restaurant, refill and replenish supplies, order things (like wine, soda, etc. from vendors), answer phones for reservations (before the host/ess arrives), learn specials for the day and make sure the restaurant is ready for business. And after they are done serving tables, they have to fold napkins, polish glasses and silverware, roll silverware, etc. So consider there is about an hour and a half to two hours where they are working to make the place nice for you while not making tips. Serving is like a duck swimming. Placid on the surface and paddling furiously underneath.
-If you have a large party, make reservations, or at the very least give them a 20 minute heads up. The table will be ready for you, you will know without a doubt that you will be taken care of, and the service staff doesn't have to drop their tables and scramble like mad to set everything up for you.
-If you see your server is at least making some effort, be understanding of minor mistakes. Especially if they are expedient in correcting it. When you are flustered, it is harder to think clearly and take care of situations in a timely fashion.
-If I am with another table, don't yell for me, and PLEASE do not tug on me or touch me. Do something to make eye contact, make sure the eye contact is acknowledged (read: seen), and I will be with you as soon as I am through with the other table. Don't ruin someone else's experience. This one isn't even about me as a server. The touching thing is a personal thing with me, but seriously, would you run up and touch a stranger to get their attention? Just because I am in a position of service does not mean you in any way have dominion over my body or personal space. I am still a human.
-If your server really is a dud, let their manager know. Some people aren't cut out for service, and some just need a little more coaching. Complaining without offering a solution just slows our collective progression as a society. I know that sounds grandiose, but I am serious about that. What good is complaining going to do for anyone if the opportunity for self improvement is avoided in lieu of just complaining.
-If you spill something, don't try to hide it. Tell me so that I or a busser or manage can clean it up. I swear, we won't chastise you. It happens to the best of us, and it can actually be a safety hazard to not clean up spills immediately. A server with a broken leg=a temporarily unemployed server. Nobody likes involuntary unemployment.
-If you are sick, don't eat out. For the benefit of the staff and your fellow patrons. Servers for the most part do not get sick time, and rarely are provided health insurance by their employer. And most of them are working because they need the money, so if they get sick and can't take time off because they are broke, the cycle of sickness continues.
-If there is something really bothering you about your service and you think that by mentioning something in a calm and rational manner will change what is bothering you, speak up. No one ever wants to hear that they are doing a bad job, but sometimes people get wrapped up in their thoughts and don't realize their performance is up to snuff. If they seem totally dense, just talk to a manager when the meal is through to offer some constructive criticism.
I am fresh out of tips on this one, so once again, I throw myself on the mercy of "the community" to add anything they feel I have left out. Please feel free to lend me and your fellow "Shine-ers" your insights. I think some of this really extends beyond the restaurant world. It is about just having respect for others in general. You attract what you exude, and so on. Thanks for reading me and happy dining all!
Related: service, restaurants, respect, guests, etiquette, dining
Alison Hanover
