Service with a Sneer!

All right! I have been sick for several days and now am somewhat back to my feisty and obnoxious self. I feel the need to stir up some passion again. Thus, I want to ask this question:

Why do many servers and the managing staff of a restaurant attempting to be upscale feel the need to be ludicrously formal and uptight. I do not comprehend or enjoy service with a stick up its rear.

Oh, I know how trying servers are who announce in that completely fake voice who they are and how happy they are to be serving you. Right, you wouldn't rather be sitting in my seat and be catered to by me. I'm not talking about false engagement. I'm referring to service that is correct but sincere; service that cares about you having a good time and joins in on your pleasure. I do not care if the restaurant has three Michelin stars, the service does not have to be aloof.

There are several restaurants in Louisville that take on this supercilious affect. Do restaurateurs truly feel that the proper server has to perform in the image of a man servant from the 19th century?

What is your opinion?

I agree. I hate it at any restaurant. I don't even like crumb combs. They are ridiculous. I also hate dress codes. I enjoy myself much more when I don't have to worry if I am underdressed

There are a few places in Louisville that I avoid due to the fear of snooty service.

I believe Bourdain said the best meals he has ever eaten were barefoot with his feet in the sand.
I doubt those places had any sneer in their service.

Funny story related to this topic.

My boss took me to Morton's last year and the service was on the snooty side and he quickly began using it to his advantage. The waiter was going over the dessert options and mentioned the NY Cheesecake (flown in daily) and Key Lime Pie. He was then ask to prove the cheesecake was actually from NY and wanted to know if the Key Lime Pie was actually made with Key Limes. After scrambling for a few minutes he did produce proof of the NY cheesecake and a "no" for the Key Limes. The boss finally explained he was just putting him through the ringer because he was being so uptight. He finally relaxed and we enjoyed "a few" after dinner cocktails.

All right! I have been sick for several days and now am somewhat back to my feisty and obnoxious self. I feel the need to stir up some passion again. Thus, I want to ask this question:

Why do many servers and the managing staff of a restaurant attempting to be upscale feel the need to be ludicrously formal and uptight. I do not comprehend or enjoy service with a stick up its rear.

Oh, I know how trying servers are who announce in that completely fake voice who they are and how happy they are to be serving you. Right, you wouldn't rather be sitting in my seat and be catered to by me. I'm not talking about false engagement. I'm referring to service that is correct but sincere; service that cares about you having a good time and joins in on your pleasure. I do not care if the restaurant has three Michelin stars, the service does not have to be aloof.

There are several restaurants in Louisville that take on this supercilious affect. Do restaurateurs truly feel that the proper server has to perform in the image of a man servant from the 19th century?

What is your opinion?

Name names because I rarely get that sense from restaurant staff any where here.

I also agree. It makes me uncomfortable, like some sort of specific behaviour is expected from me. I think the same can be said as to the extreme opposite though as well.

I rarely get a server with a bad attitude when I dine out, but when I do I try to remember that it's the server and not the restaurant itself that is at fault. Unless it's a poorly prepared meal or something the restaurant can be accountable for, I usually don't bring it to anyones attention. For a bad server with a crappy attitude I usually let my tip reflect my displeasure. Perhaps if a server gets enough bad tips he/she will realize they are in the wrong business.

I'll name one where I feel that way, Vincenzo's! Of course I think their food is overrated also so I may be a little biased in my opinions of the service. I also think Morton's, Ruth's Chris and Rivue tend to be that way too. I really haven't ever felt that way at any of the other public restaurants I've been to in Louisville.

I also don't really believe it's necessarily the fault of the individual server. Certain restaurants want to portray that upper crust image and council their servers on how to present themselves.

I think Vincenzo's is still a pretty cool place to eat lunch. But I would tend to agree that the food falls short of the perceived service presentation - and yes that is annoying. I wear jeans and a sport coat with or without a tie virtually every day - if I feel uncomfortable in that attire then the service or general atmosphere is too "snooty" for me.

I don't pay attention to much of anything at Ruth's Chris or Morton's and I've not been to Rivue.

by Mark R. » Thu May 07, 2009 8:47 pm

. . . I . . . don't really believe it's necessarily the fault of the individual server. Certain restaurants want to portray that upper crust image and council their servers on how to present themselves.

I totally agree with you, Mark.

(Marsha, I do believe that I used the elipses correctly! )

I am somewhat concerned with naming names since owners, managers and chefs do get their feelings hurt on this forum. When I do see people in person, I will have no problem mentioning which restaurants strive to have this "aloof" service. Also, I am not talking about a bad attitude that a server may have. It is not a surliness I am referring to, but a kind of distant British "yes sir, no sir" type of affect that manifests itself in the epitome of pretension. In addition, I have returned to restaurants in this city several times and quite a few of the servers and front people act as if I just flew in from Mars. It as if they are involved just to do their job and are not a member of the service industry. I believe if I am expected to leave a 20 to 25 % tip, you should at least be aware of my existence as a person and a human being.

by Phil Gissen » Thu May 07, 2009 11:02 pm

. . . I believe if I am expected to leave a 20 to 25 % tip, you should at least be aware of my existence as a person and a human being.

Amen, brother!

Every atmosphere should be treated differently. From this end I disagree with you Phil. Sometimes I don't want a server at the trying to strike up casual conversation with me. The interesting thing is, I have found that in these high end places the servers will loosen up if you take the initiative to chat them up. There is a place in Houston called Mark's, which is completely world class. The servers have the demeanor that you describe, however I found they are willing to loosen up if you take the initiative. I dined there several times a week over the course of a seven month period and actually became friends with many of them. Sometimes I want a true professional who has a complete knowledge of the menu, impeccable timing, and all of the other qualities that make a server great in his/her environment. Other times, at a place like Lynn's for example, the atmosphere demands the friendly, genuine presentation that you speak of.

I believe the same rationale is true in the business world. I worked as a consultant and had a chance to see a lot of different companies. Some did business professional very well, while others were extremely casual. There were pros and cons of each, and I can say that I enjoyed both in different ways. Ultimately my point is that variety is a spice for me, and I have no problem with different restauranteurs trying to create different environments through a variety of techniques including service style.

Will makes a very good point, different atmospheres and styles for different restaurants. When I dine alone I don't mind an overtly friendly server that chats with me. However, when I take clients out and we have business to discuss I'm a bit put off by a server that feels the need to be the center of attention, as if the dining experience is all about him/her. And I am very put off by any server that whips a chair around backwards and sits at my table while taking our order. To do this even in a casual restaurant without an invitation to "please, sit down" is uninvited and rude.
As far as dining in the UK, I found their service unobtrusive and professional and never felt "chilled out" by any of it.

I sit at the bar.

I hear you Will and Carla and I comprehend what you are referring to. Yet, even when I was in business, I could not stand the affect of pomposity. I constantly came in contact with that when I was in the real estate business and I turned every business meeting into a fun event. It actually helped me negotiate a better deal. However, I see your point. Yet, when I'm out to dinner with my wife, I do not want my server acting like Lawrence Olivier.

We avoid this situation by sitting at a bar and not dining at white table cloth restaurants. Can't justify the cost and we resent having to tip someone on $150 when their service is not that much better than someone where the bill is $30.
We've never returned to a downtown steak house because of the snooty server. My husband's birthday.
Haven't returned to a restaurant in the Forest Green area. Had to get up and refill my coffee during brunch - got tired of waiting. Also, another night there, it three people to bring us our food (for two) because my salmon was on a narrow paddle. The server tripped close to the table and had to aim at my plate to avoid dropping it on the floor. They were pretentious. The atmosphere was.
Treated to a steak dinner at another high end restaurant recently - not pretentious at all.
I have alot of comments about service. Many years of experience in the business between myself, husband, and family members.
I will stop at this point today:-)