Yikes, what was I thinking?

In several local restaurants since Sept., (. big, little or small, from Lilly's to Lou Lou's), I've noticed something. Rarely did the server or host/hostess for that matter wait for an opening in the conversation at that table to say something. Instead, he or she interrupted the conversation. What's going on with that? I waited tables through college and years afterwards at 610, managed Deitrich's blah blah blah....When I wanted to talk to the table I positioned myself in the eye sight of the person talking, made direct eye contact, folded my hands and waited. No pun intended Eventually the person I was looking at would steer the conversation to a stopping point and focus the group on me. I was with an English friend in Nov. who when the server interrupted did not stop talking. The server got the point immediately and waited for him to finish. But I, when interrupted, have always stopped my conversation to accommodate the server. I know things are more cas, I know that. For example, I know clearing plates individually is now considered efficient service vs. clearing the entire table at once which was thought to put less pressure on the last person eating. But eating/dining out is also a social event isn't it? Conversations at the table are important. Here's why I'm concerned. It was annoying. It happened more than once during the same meals. Often I couldn't retrieve my thought. And my shrinking budget is shrinking my disposable income/restaurant allowance. So when I do go out I want the experience to be great! Have I lost it, am I just a dining dinosaur? CD

i think a lot of the subtle nuances of service went out the window when the cellphones came to the table

from my standpoint, as a waiter/owner, i only interrupt the conversation when necessary (sir, we've run out of X, would you care for Y instead) or if it becomes obvious that the guests will not find their own stopping point

shawn

Catherine,

You are not a dinosaur!

I have favorite servers at Lou Lou's and request them by name when making my reservation so I don't notice the issue there. I HAVE noticed it at other places and I, too, find it annoying. Even more of a pet peeve of mine than interrupting conversation is when a server whom I have never met before said visit decides to sit at our table with us (if there is space available) and casually ask how our meal is or if we want dessert. I don't know why that bothers me as much as it does ... maybe I have personal space issues.

I'm wondering if it is just a sign of our culture ... more and more when I am out, whether dining or even in a store, interruptions have become more commonplace. I caught myself doing it a couple of times this weekend at a wedding rehearsal ... I think we are just becoming an instant gratification society and that includes our conversation.

Rebecca

At an upscale establishment such a faux pas is an absolute no-no. I think as the style of restaurant gets more relaxed, the service gets less formal. I can see something like this happening at a BBQ joint and not thinking much of it, but a place like Lou Lou's maybe not so much.

Cellphones and the like are doing a considerable amount of damage to our overall social etiquette, this may very well be a symptom of the "instant access" culture.

Catherine,

You are not a dinosaur!

I have favorite servers at Lou Lou's and request them by name when making my reservation so I don't notice the issue there. I HAVE noticed it at other places and I, too, find it annoying. Even more of a pet peeve of mine than interrupting conversation is when a server whom I have never met before said visit decides to sit at our table with us (if there is space available) and casually ask how our meal is or if we want dessert. I don't know why that bothers me as much as it does ... maybe I have personal space issues.

I'm wondering if it is just a sign of our culture ... more and more when I am out, whether dining or even in a store, interruptions have become more commonplace. I caught myself doing it a couple of times this weekend at a wedding rehearsal ... I think we are just becoming an instant gratification society and that includes our conversation.

Rebecca

I've noticed this at a few places! It urks me as well. For someone that I don't know, to sit down, uninvited and make small talk with me is just really bothersome. I imagine that that's how a celebrity feels, being mobbed by strangers at dinner.

Even more of a pet peeve of mine than interrupting conversation is when a server whom I have never met before said visit decides to sit at our table with us (if there is space available) and casually ask how our meal is or if we want dessert. I don't know why that bothers me as much as it does ... maybe I have personal space issues.Rebecca

MAKES ME CRAZY!!!
When did this become acceptable? The first time it happened here in Louisville the friend I was with said my face looked like I'd been hit with a flounder.

I know a server (former server?) at a well-known, respected establishment that pulled the whole "sit (or kneel) at the table and get chummy with customers" routine on a daily basis. Seemed to work well for him, although the "act" did not go over well with all people. He claims his "expertise" regarding the food/wine as a compliment to the patrons' experience at the restaurant. Some people probably exchanged the word compliment with annoyance. As far as I know, he did better financially than the average server.

The worst "server interruption" I ever had was a few years ago at Ditto's when I was dining with a couple (good friends of mine) and one of their friends whom I did not know. Seemed that every time the server came to the table, he would find his way into our conversation. Now, I've many times invited a server into the conversation (what movie to see, is it going to rain tomorrow, why UK stinks, etc.), but I found it really rude for the server to just force his way into the conversation. When servers do this, I take it to mean "Without me, you are not able to have a good time." As his actions negatively impacted my dining experience, I docked his tip significantly.

In general, I think tacky server interruptions are more common, expected, and accepted at lower-end establishments, although this is not a blanket that should cover all such places. I'm thinking especially of corporate establishments where bottom-line figures are predicated on turning as many tables as possible. Servers also seem to fall into this "turn the tables as fast as possible" routine thinking more tables = more tips. Unfortunately, if the server interrupts enough patrons while trying to execute this equation, I don't think the equation holds true.

One of the times it happened, I was at Hooter's with my hubby for lunch. I know EXACTLY why the waitresses do it there. The other time, I was at a very nice neighborhood establishment. I don't think it's necessarily something that happens at lower end places. I don't know why it bugs me, it's not like I think I'm better than the person waiting on me, I just don't like people I don't know grabbing a chair and chatting at me, I suppose. I thought I was just being picky. Guess I 'm not the only one who feels that way.

I think it's actually just other sign of the overall deterioration of the quality of service in most restaurants. In my opinion it's been happening slowly for quite awhile and as our expectations decrease so does the service. As noted it's worse in lower end restaurants but it's creeping its way further up the scale.

The conversations mentioned are one sign of it, in addition very few servers serve and remove dishes correctly nor do they replace used silverware without being requested to do so. They seem to think of it as a challenge to serve all diners from one location by reaching across the table. I guess service in restaurants isn't the only place this deterioration is happening, it's just the one we discussed here and is obviously just a sign of the times.

Side bar: I was shocked to see on Hell's Kitchen (first season I think) dishes being served and cleared from the same side of the guest! One would think with Ramsay's standards and his maitre-d's standards that such a thing would never happen.

I rarely see proper formal service techniques employed in restaurants these days. There are glimmers, but overall the service is getting less and less formal. Sometimes this is a good thing, but when fundamentals of good service are lost, its a slippery slope to "serve yourself."

Well, I suppose while we're telling horror stories:

I am going to leave this restaurant unnamed, because it shouldn't reflect on them, but suffice it to say it is commonly considered one of the very top tables in the city, and one of the most $$$. My wife and I went there for our anniversary a few months back. At the beginning of the meal, our server seemed very personable, though a bit on the chatty side. By the time our entrees arrived, he gave a 10 minute monologue about how a previous business he had owned failed, his wife and kids left him, and now he was sleeping on a friend's couch. I felt bad for the guy, but there was absolutely no reason to tell us that - we hadn't come close to asking him anything personal. We were celebrating our anniversary - I mean, it was a bit of a downer.

He knew the menu, and was otherwise a good waiter, but his depressing monologue coupled with the fact that he was flushed, talked constantly, seemed uncomfortably warm, had dilated pupils, and was *sniffing* frequently left us not too impressed with the experience. I've been there on other occasions, and the service was impeccable, so I wouldn't hold this against the restaurant. I also felt so bad for the guy that I didn't say anything to management. Tough call, but I was afraid this guy might kill himself if he lost the job.

I have experienced multiple cases of servers interrupting conversation around town recently, and I also find it quite inconsiderate.

As for the issue of servers sitting or kneeling at the table and getting chummy, I haven't experienced much of that. I did have a server sit down at an empty seat at one particular restaurant, but he only did it when he was introducing himself and explaining the various available specials upon our arrival, and I found his approach to be friendly and warm. I didn't mind him sitting with us to explain our options one bit. In fact, I appreciated his approach. He was very respectful of our personal space and conversation once we began eating.

My younger brother waited tables for a short time at a casual place, and he's about 6'4" or 6'5", so he would routinely squat at the table to explain the daily specials and cocktails. In his case, I just thought it made sense for him to do that so he could get closer to eye level with the customers, instead of them having to crane their necks to look up at him.

I'll just jump in and say, a server should never interrupt your conversation....unless they have been standing quietly in full view for a while and you have not acknowledged them with even eye contact. This happens more than you can possibly imagine. Some folks get a weird thrill out of making a waiter "wait". None of the posters in this thread, I'm sure, but - it definitely happens, and often! (these are often the same people that snap their fingers to get a server's attention from across the room - that is NEVER appropriate. If your server is ignoring you that badly, get up and ask another employee for a manager.)

I don't mean that you should stop in mid-sentence just because the server walks up to the table, but a smile in their direction while someone else is talking is enough to let them know you know they're there.

As for squatting/sitting, I remember reading years ago, (( don't remember where) that this behavior increases tips. I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now, but I think this meme wormed its way into serving folklore somehow years ago, and has yet to be totally scrubbed out.

(these are often the same people that snap their fingers to get a server's attention from across the room - that is NEVER appropriate. If your server is ignoring you that badly, get up and ask another employee for a manager.)
As for squatting/sitting, I remember reading years ago, (( don't remember where) that this behavior increases tips. I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now, but I think this meme wormed its way into serving folklore somehow years ago, and has yet to be totally scrubbed out.

My favorite reply to snapping fingers:
"I'm sorry sir, it takes more than two fingers to make me come."
Robin, please delete this if it is too off-color. I hope you are giggling though.

I don't know about squatting but Psycology Today had an article about 10 years ago that mentioned that a pat on the back when the check goes down increases tips by 5%.
I think this is a butch guy sort of thing. It worked well in the House of Dead Cows I worked at in NY.

*snort*