Your last 15 hours to eat in Metro Louisville

Hmmm..okay, let's see. First, I'd get a driver, preferably a Formula One type to zip me around from place to place so I didn't miss anything.

I'd skip breakfast and then I'd go to the Bristol on Bardstown Road as soon as they open and have two orders of green chili wontons. Then I'd head over to Germantown for bean soup at Check's, then downtown to The Delta for a cheeseburger and steak fries.

For dinner, and I know I'll be accused of lying, but I swear I'd go to Lou Lou for the Blue Cheese Polenta appetizer! Then to The Oakroom for a Hot Brown, Proof on Main for cocktails while letting things settle, and finally ending up at Seviche for foie gras and Churrascos. During this last bit I would surreptitiously handcuff my ankle to a table leg, 'cause no silly 15-hour time limit is making me leave those Churrascos before the plate is empty, no matter how full I am - even if it takes allllllll night.

Breakfast: Wild Eggs

Lunch: Blue Dog

Dinner: Proof

After dinner libations: Nachbar

Post libations "fourth meal": Jimmy John's

This was easy since I have been out of Louisville for a few months, I would go to the places I miss. First I would start with getting a cooler and fish ice packs for all the left-over. I would go to Santa Fe for a burrito and orchata. Then to Le Gallo Rosso for Lasague. Stop by and get some cookies from the cookie lady on Bardstown rd. Then to August Moon for Circo on the Rocks, General Chicken XX hot, and a Vietnamese coffee, to help stall the food coma. Stop by Java on Frankfort for a glass of wine, and relax. For Dinner I am going the app route, Havana Rumba to Empanada and Mojito. Then over to Jack’s for Mushroom Fumme. Now to Jack Fry’s for Shrimp and Grits. Then downtown to the English Grill, for a Strip Tease, Grand Mar and Espresso. If I am able to walk at this point, I will go have a Lee Manhattan where who Lee is bartending. All is well and have enough food left over to eat for a week.

I'd start off by having breakfast at Toast around 8 AM. Their orange ginger monte cristo would be perfect. I'm normally not an early breakfast person, but time is of the essence.

Next, I'd have a light mid-morning tea at Butterfly Garden Cafe on Bardstown.

My thirst not yet sated, I'd head to Rich O's in New Albany. (That's Louisville, right? ) For solid food, I'd have soft pretzels with beer cheese and a custom topping calzone. For liquid food, I'd drink their Jenever, Oaktimus, and whatever else I happen to feel like that's available at the time. (For the purposes of this exercise, the former two are presumed to be on tap. In my perfect world, they'd be on tap year round.)

My first dinner would be at Havana Rumba around 4:45--right around when their Pollo Asado has finished cooking for dinner. I have yet to find a Cuban restaurant that I like more, even in South Florida.

Next, I'd have a late dinner at 610 Magnolia. Anything on the menu would more than satisfy me, and I can't imagine a finer last meal in Louisville.

After I've recovered a bit, I'll head over to Heine Brothers for tea and scones and stay there until closing at 11. (This fictional night is apparently a week night.)

Finally, I suppose I'll have to visit Cafe 360 for the sake nostalgia and a hookah. This is presuming I can actually get in and out before my night ends at 1 AM, which could prove to be a tall order.

15 hours and 15 pounds later, I'd leave Louisville sad but satiated.