Should I tip?

I've never not tipped. Bad service gets 15%. But tonight, I started to question that.

The bad part of the service was pretty standard. Took drink orders (water and a diet), didn't come back for 10 minutes.

We ordered entree' salads.

We happened to have a great vantage point in the restaurant so we could see when our salads were brought out. They sat for 10 minutes. The waitress walked past them at least once and ignored them before finally serving them after taking 2 more orders.

We could also see she was being friendly to the larger groups she was waiting on.

She didn't visit us again after bringing the salads until after my wife was done eating. Then we asked for a diet refill which she brought. When she came back, I was still eating but I didn't want to sit at the table for another half hour while she disappeared so I asked, "Can you please bring the check?"

So that's the typical bad stuff, no big deal.

When she came back, it was a new experience for me. She handed me the check without a word then disappeared after that completely. I've never had a waiter not say anything. "Is there anything else I can get you? Have a good night!' Nothing at all. It felt so cold. Rude and nasty.

I normally tip 20-25%. We discussed either 10% or 15%, and I settled on 15%.

After we left, we discussed what happened in the car. My wife thinks our downfall in the waitress's good graces was not ordering alcohol, just salads and only 1 soft drink. "Just 2 of them, no alcoholic drinks, no expensive entree's, I'm not getting anything out of this."

Another theory, she was pissed that I asked for the check after she brought the refill instead of both at once.

IDK what else we could have done wrong. We were polite the entire time.

This has made me question my 15% minimum policy. I feel bad for wait staff because I know they are paid lousy wages, and they depend on tips to live. But when a waitress is flat out rude, it makes me wonder whether I should reward that person. The food is overpriced, the service was rude, why am I tipping?

[Robin Garr]

Mike, that's a tough question! It would definitely make me wonder if the server was having a bad night or if they just didn't like me. And yes, I'd be tempted to show my spite by leaving no tip.

As a rule, though, I think I'd have done what you did and leave something, but lower my usual 20%-plus to a carefully calculated 15%. Part of my reasoning is that we really don't know what the server is going through, and part of my reasoning is that she's still got to tip out others on the staff, who don't need to be punished for her behavior.

But I'd really have to cool down before I came to that conclusion. Sorry you had to deal with that.

Thanks for the response and perspective, Robin.

, and part of my reasoning is that she's still got to tip out others on the staff, who don't need to be punished for her behavior.

That's the issue for me.

The problem with leaving no tip at all is that it gives the appearance of the customer having simply forgotten to tip, at least when it comes to cash tips. When I encounter bad service like this, I might leave a dollar on the table and zero out the tip line on the receipt. That definitely sends a message. I don't leave critical comments though. I know people who do. I rarely ever go back to a place where I've had to deliberately stiff the server because of poor service.

Oddly enough, it seems like the worst practitioners of ignoring two tops for the big tables seem to be servers at places that are more bars than they are restaurants. We ran into that problem once at a chicken-themed bar/grill near our house once. The female server was MUCH more interested in literally sitting down with a table full of men and flirting with them than actually bringing us our waters. It took 20 minutes for her to do that while we were sitting there staring at her just across the aisle with these guys. It went downhill from there when the food sat in the window for 30 minutes and then somehow got put in to-go bags when we didn't ask for it to go. The food was cold when they replated it out of the bags. It wasn't even good food in the first place. We left a miniscule tip and have never returned despite it being so close to home.

[Robin Garr]

Whoa! I think you were a model of restraint, Terri!

I've become (in my older age) more of a "let's get to the heart of the problem and not waste time guessing" kind of person. Sometime after the salads were delivered and your server was avoiding your table, I would have flagged them down and said something like, "I'm sorry (or excuse me) but my wife and I are somewhat concerned we may have offended you in some way. You seem as if you'd rather avoid our table and if its because of something we have unknowingly done , please tell us." This hands the problem back into the hands of your server. Either they will think, "OH boy, they've noticed their bad service, I better correct this." or they will simply say "Oh no, everything is fine." and stroll. Either way, you've given a heads up to the server that you are not happy and thus giving them a chance to make amends. If they don't…tip accordingly and guilt free.

[Robin Garr]

Good advice, Carla!