Is it wrong to keep a kid busy at an eatery with your iPad?

[Robin Garr]

This parent feels embarrassed that he kept his kids busy with an iPad at an upscale restaurant. Why? Would you let your kids do this? Would you care if the kids at the next table did ... and were well-behaved and quiet? Why should this bother anyone? Let's hear it, curmudgeons!

http://www.babble.com/kid/sometimes-you ... at-parent/

Quite frankly as long as my child is behaving and isnt disturbing someone else's dinner (ie screaming, running around restaurant, overly loud phone or electronic device), I could give two shits what their opinion is of my parenting style.

My wife and I instill eating manners at home and expect our daughter at 2 to act like a lady at dinner time, so expecting her to do the same in public isnt that big of a deal. However, we understand that by the end of a meal she might be bored after sitting their an hour and a half or so, so we will let her quietly play a game on one of our phones.

That said I do feel some parents go overboard and bring to much. iPads are a bit large and can be distracting to other dinners especially if the volume is turned up to loud on the game. As for action figures, toys and all the rest of that crap it should be left at home. A restaurant's dining room table isnt the play pen. Quite frankly if they would work on eating discipline at home their kids wouldnt act that way in public.

Agree with almost all Doug has to say. We are working very hard to make sure Seamus (18 mo) is a good diner (and theater patron, etc.). Early on we had toys and things to distract him, but now he seems to need that sort of thing less and less. He is much more interested in the people and employees in the restaurant than anything we bring from home.

But I would not see a problem with giving a kid an iPad if they needed to be stimulated a bit during a dinner outing. Like Doug said, just keep the volume low/off. In all but fine dining, I fail to see how this would be an issue for anyone. If you are taking your child to a fine dining experience, it should be just that and they should be prepared for such.

...This isn't another one of those "burger" set ups is it ??? Regardless, I'll bite.

The short answer, submitted with the caveat that as we have determined numerous times on this forum -no one- posting here has anything -but- well behaved children, I'm accepting of (almost) anything that will keep your well behaved child well behaved while I am dining and/or drinking...I-pods, crayons, drugs, duct tape, whatever it takes give it to 'em.

On a broader technological/lack of courtesy scale, I think this whole "device" thing has gotten way-way out of control and shows nothing but signs of getting worse...Case in point, this morning while reading what passes for the news, I came across an article about "glassholes"...i.e. people who insist on wearing these goofy Google glasses into dining/drinking establishments.

Here's the link for those who are interested:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the ... lassholes/

BTW....sometimes for fun....When my 26 y.o. daughter comes over, I'll hide her "device"... ...talk about a woman flipping out

Somehow I don't agree that IPad-type devices may be OK, while toys et al are not! My kids (and now my grandkids) are very happy, quiet, and calm with something to play with and/or a book to read at nice restaurants (where dinner may take some considerable time), and if we have some dolls that keep my granddaughter busy and quiet while the adults eat what's the big deal? By the same reasoning, if the sound is off (or so low no adjacent table can hear it) I could care less if a kid at a nearby table is on a tablet if he/she is happy and quiet during my dinner.

It's fine to say that kids should learn to behave during dinner, but kids are kids, and if a dinner lasts much over 60-90 minutes there are very few kids around who can continue to keep both still and quiet. And, if one does not take kids to that type of restaurant, they will never have the opportunity to learn how to behave. I applaud parents who know how to keep their kids in control, and do it, even if it means bringing the paypen!

I actually just got back home from lunch at the Cottage Cafe where this exact thing happened. A table of 5 adults and 3 young children, where one of the kids had a very loud tablet of some sort playing kid-friendly songs/videos/what-have-you.

Now obviously this was not an upscale place. The Cafe is very laid back and crowded and can get loud regardless. But I still had a hard time hearing my son who was sitting across the table from me. I debated the whole time whether to kindly ask them to turn it down. The kids were a bit rowdy and loud, but in this day and age you never know who might be autistic or special needs, so I didn't let that get to me. The Disney soundtrack, however, was another story. They left shortly before we finished our meal and my jaw was hurting from clenching it so hard. When they left even the sweet waitress made a comment about it.

And I think you run into problems with people agreeing on what is 'too loud'. While I thought it was obvious that the device was too loud, the adults at the table must have thought that it was at a perfectly acceptable volume.

Robin,
I feel this guys pain. I would have the same reaction- to both of the circumstances he describes. *In my opinion, too many parents use electronics as babysitters- not interacting with their kids or teaching them how to behave in a restaurant- or to pay attention to their food ( which is an important part of eating ) . Our normal rule is no electronics for any one during dinner. In the special case of a significant wait, we may allow our son some brief soundless iPhone game usage- but only until food arrives. Typically we just bring small toys for this.

But in the case of an invite for the whole family at a special dinner? Assuming the sound is entirely off, I would potentially do the same thing as the author did- and feel bad that others thought I was being "that" parent.

Deb

And I think you run into problems with people agreeing on what is 'too loud'. While I thought it was obvious that the device was too loud, the adults at the table must have thought that it was at a perfectly acceptable volume.

Alanna,
I agree on the different definitions of "too loud" being a problem. Maybe I'm too strict, but personally I don't agree with the sound on for any device in a confined public space ( restaurant, airplane, my car, etc.) All those devices have earbud/headphone jacks- I don't see any reason why we should subject anybody else to listening to our music/ video/game. Doesn't really matter if the restaurant is loud- to me that's just polite to other guests.

Deb

We have a 19 month old and he is a beast to take out to dinner. Its kind of strange because at home he sits in his high chair, eats his meal, lets us know when he's finished etc.

But man, once you get him to a restaurant, he just gets too overwhelmed by the people and the atmosphere, doesn't want to sit in his chair, squirms, wants to run around, has to sit in my lap, likes to look at other diners and smile and get their attention, won't eat his dinner, you name it.

For this reason we only take him out to eat rarely and only at very casual restaurants. But yeah, absolutely I'll break out the electronics to keep him more calm. I don't see anything wrong with it at all, if anything I'm just trying to do a service to the other patrons. Its really all I can do except stay home.

My oldest is 6 and we've used the same tactic on him for years, although now were kind of cracking down on that and teaching him to just be disciplined and patient and that he doesn't need a device to entertain him for 20 minutes while we wait on the food. But younger ones just don't understand that or have the attention span in most cases, so do what you gotta do in my opinion.

As long as the kid is quiet and in his/her seat, I don't care what distraction is used. As long as misbehavior is taken care of quickly, I don't care about a short outburst.

Scene: Friday night at a St Matthews eatery.
Occasion: Large (30) family gathering to celebrate the family's late father/grandfather.

The family has come in from all over the country to celebrate, lift a glass and dine.
One table has 6 children ranging in age from 7- around 13.
The two youngest children are engaged most of the evening with games on their silent devices. The other four are running around having a great time but getting now and again out of control.
Toward the end of the evening the youngest says to me, the only thing that could make the night better is if you all had Wi-Fi. I gave him our password and his face lit up. He said "Every time we go to a nice restaurant all there is to do is eat, but here I can actually do stuff ".

I offer this with no judgment since all the kids were very nice and polite, but it seems that even for kids, dealing with family requires different forms of coping.

I posted a photo a few months ago I took in Bonefish. Parents were on a date with their son, probably around 8 years old. They were drinking a leisurely bottle of wine. The boy had a full sized laptop open on the table playing Minecraft the whole time. No sound but they keep it pretty dark in there during dinner and it was absolutely distracting. I'm still on the fence how I felt about it. Normally I don't care at all about iPads as long as the sound is not on but this big laptop was a bit different because it was SO distracting to everyone else around them,

Yeah, they should be embarrassed - not only for the iPad but for bringing an eight year old to an upscale restaurant. When did the concept of "babysitter" fall out of fashion? We have adopted strategies to deal with such things, like avoiding restaurants where this has been an issue, eating later when children that age will not likely be present, asking to be reseated or leaving.

Yeah, they should be embarrassed - not only for the iPad but for bringing an eight year old to an upscale restaurant. When did the concept of "babysitter" fall out of fashion? We have adopted strategies to deal with such things, like avoiding restaurants where this has been an issue, eating later when children that age will not likely be present, asking to be reseated or leaving.

Jay,
An alternate view: If kids know how to behave in an upscale restaurant and will eat the food, I say take them. ( note I did not say infants/ toddlers) It's a rare occurrence for us , and we make it a very big deal- getting dressed up, etc. I think going to nice restaurants , eating nice food and using good table manners is a life lesson, and both our kids have gone from age 6 up. No electronics, no toys- a nice "adult" meal. You have to know your kids and remove them immediately if they are behaving.

We took our son to Volare with us when he was about 7. Fancy dress shirt & tie; he had pasta and part of our dinners. We praised him for great behavior, and he beamed when departing diners stopped at our table to comment on how grownup and well- behaved he'd been. He was very proud of himself and "gets" that it's a privilege to go. I think those are good lessons for kids to learn before they are teens without a clue as to proper restaurant behavior.
Deb