The trip from my house to Majid's took me two hours on Thursday. The kicker is, I left an hour and a half early figuring I'd be there well before the others.
As I crept across the Kennedy at about 5:00 watching the gridlock below me, I congratulated myself on my plan to avoid I-64/71 . My plan was to head south on I-65 and circle around on the Watterson. Can you tell I'm not much in the know about traffic patterns in Loo-ville? When I crossed the bridge I had clear sailing too. The road was empty all the way to hospital curve.
That's where clear and good parted ways for my plan. I rounded the curve and found traffic bumper to bumper all the way to I-264. The loop itself was packed fuller than the funnel in a French goose. No worries, there was Fern Valley and the outer loop. Yep worked like a charm until I switched to the surface roads. It's hard to believe there's enough jobs for all the Loos in Loo-ville. There certainly aren't enough roads!
I was finally making headway when I passed back under the Watterson on Bardstown road. Ok, it was 6:00 already so there was no point in worrying about being late. Besides, from this point I was sure I could be there in 15 minutes. I could have too, if I hadn't taken a wrong turn into that freakin endless wilderness called Seneca Park. A giant ass park for people who are not in a hurry. At that point I had to give up and laugh. I hoped that no one would call to check where I was. I hated to admit how totally stupid I had been. So I'll just keep it to myself.
It was 6:30 when I pulled up and, like always, I entered through Majid's lounge entrance. I've never even been in the restaurant. Why would I? I almost bumped into Jackie who was just coming out to suck a fag (that's have a smoke in British parlance). Am I allowed to say such things here? For some reason Majid's reminds me of the UK. Maybe it's because Stephen is always calling everyone mate. They do that over there.
Jax smiled and said, “Hey have a seat and help yourself to my drink. Stephen and I are stepping out for a minute (words with friends indeed).” As always, Jax looked like a million bucks and change. The sight of her and the prospect of an immediate drink were just what I needed to soothe my ragged psyche. Mostly I needed the drink (sorry Jax!).
Stephen spotted me and backed up to meet me at the bar. He stopped short; rotating his upper body towards me but with his lower torso still facing back the way he'd come. His pose caused me to flash back to my high school days. “No no Stephen you got to widen that stance if you're going to get good torque on a discus throw!” Instead of a discus, his right hand was just a hand and he thrust it out at me. Stephen is a man full of enthusiasm and he puts plenty in his shake. He's so cool he's what hipsters wish they could be when they grow up.
He quickly described Jackie's drink (now mine) and excused himself to assist her with that smoke. I heard not a word of it as I was too busy gulping it all down. Sorry again Jax! Jennifer and Justin (The Dream Killer) Hammond were seated next to Jackie's spot and I scooted over to greet the power couple. Seriously, I've never met two young people who seem to be so much in the know. They are good looking, well dressed, and are experienced foodies at thirty. Beer bellies and hair dye are too far in their future to cast even the longest shadow (We must not hate them - the power couple aka Justifer).
I noted there were seven place settings with reserved cards and asked Justifer if others were coming. They shook their heads and I admitted that my other guest, Lauren Smith, also couldn't make it. Ok, so it would be Justifer and Shackie drinking all the high priced booze tonight! Sound Good? Dear God, I probably better edit this out or none of them will speak to me again.
Stephen and Jax were soon back and I moved over to give her seat back. She looked down at her empty glass and then up at me with one raised brow. “Thirsty much?” It said. Or possibly something more like “Remind me never to “mi casa su casa” you, you damn dirty ape! You'd probably sell it!” I've never seen Jax angry. It's only a matter of time.
Stephen has already described the food and drink accurately so I'll just relate a few thoughts about how I perceived the scotch and food aspect while pointing out some of the side flavor that made the evening memorable for me.
Stephen, you got to get someone to change that mood muzak that was playing in the background before the talent arrived. Ok so maybe it wasn't as bad as the Mexican guitar player crooning “Every Breath You Take” and Pink Floyd's “Wish You Were Here” a few weeks ago when Chris and I stopped to get our own Quacorgasm at Loo-villes newest best thang. There I was begging the bartender to bring me my grande Negra Model muy pronto so I could get comfortably numb. No wait Guaca Mole isn't the newest is it?
That's right, its Decca! If you go there, just remember it's faux dining avant garde. Decca's emphasis is on indifferent service, miniscule portions, and a painful aural assault, not food. The wise will hit White Castle on the way and conceal a couple of moist buns about their person to stuff the ears with. In Decca, no one can hear you complain. It's the latest thing for jaded foodies!
Now Loo-ville's newest BIG thang has got to be Gordon Biersch. The portions sizes there are so stupid big a single app and entree will feed a family of three quite nicely and I mean an American family! Oh and Americans will love the beer there. No bothersome taste to get in the way of enjoying this ice cold refreshment. One manager admitted that he didn't even like beer but he could drink this stuff. Light and smooth were the buzz words. Was he bragging? At least the music is not too loud and you can see into the kitchen. It's like that show “How Its Made.” Can't wait for the episode where they show how GB concocts an entree so large that “Man vs Food” takes a pass and Adam Richman starts a new reality program where he attempts work in all of Loo-villes food trucks on the same day. Gordon Ramsey is the show's host.
We were a couple of drinks in when Patti Cain began to ply the bar with rich servings of sonic layer cake on a silvery platter of full throated vocals, dense bodied piano melodies, iced with masterful sugery sax from the nimble lips of her cool cat mustachioed partner. Live music such as this imparts a high to me that is only transcended by the combination of music like this and other hedonistic activities. Eating, drinking, conversing with friends, you fill in the blank - all are enhanced and more fulfilling in the presence of live music. We were doing all three – we were having our cake!
Stephen carried on a running dialog throughout the evening. Like the whiskey round up previously, he gave us interesting details about these fine spirits and challenged us to describe the flavors and textures we found in each. Cardamon? Tarragon? Deceptacon? I've always found descriptions of wines and whiskeys given by experts to be somewhat hilarious. As I rarely consume or sniff many of the things they compare to (brandied apricots, horse blankets, sea brine, etc) I'm often left wondering “Yeah, but what does it taste like?”
The first two scotches (Auchentoshan, Scapa) were smooth as puppy ears and slippery as soap bubbles going down. Slightly sweet, they finished with a pleasant lingering heat that I appreciated but all in all they were too tame to make my stable.
The next was the Glenmorangie. Funny, I remember the pour but not the taste. So, I'd have to say for me this one was not memorable - literally. Too bad really, as I have an unopened bottle in the dining room cabinet that I bought for myself as a Christmas present. This is why I've decided not to buy any more expensive liquor without trying it first. Can you say....re-gift?
The next was the Springbank -Campbeltown. Now we were getting somewhere. This was the first of the whiskeys that had a pronounced peaty flavor. As it was the first of that profile, I didn't yet know just how peaty. I thought it had a crisp lemony fresh juniper forest smell (Pine-Sol?). It was slightly savory with a mild smoky taste. You know, like the brisket at Doc Crows. Just enough flavor so you hesitate to call the microwave police hotline but you're doubtful there was any significant amount of wood harmed in the prep. Far from complaining here I am, as this whiskey was nicely balanced with interesting taste notes from beginning to end. Unlike the first two, it did not possess that silky mouth feel that I found off putting. This was fine whiskey and it also had a killer bottle! Definite stable material!
Laphroig, Laphroig, Laphroig, peat is your name! The Quarter Cask was my favorite. It was like sucking a shot of whiskey through a mouth stuffed full of pulled pork, while standing next to the still smoldering fire pit. Sound good? Well maybe there is a more refined way to put this, It was the most smoky whiskey I've ever encountered and you didn't even need to put the glass up to your nose to smell it. So, warning to those of you who are trying to cut back on the smokes. This one may not be for you. Rauchbier fans should try this one.
The Laphroig 18 year. Well it's entirely possible that I'd had too much whiskey by the time this one arrived. It seemed a more refined version of the quarter cask and therefor was not as interesting to me by the time it came around. I think if I had started with this one, I might be able to better define my opinion. It had much less smoke, but with its own dark, rich, quality. I think it might be mighty fine. Just in a different way.
Ok, so somewhere in here I remember an Oban. I also remember all the apps which were of course for the most part quite edible. Jax didn't think so however when it came to the lamb pops. These babies are my favorites and I was moved to tears when I noticed Jax wrapping hers up in a napkin. “What are you doing?” I asked with forced composure. “I think my kitties might like it.” She remarked matter of factly. Stephen, do you think this is safe for them?” Stephen - “Oh sure, the bones don't splinter.” Wow, two people I would have swore were sane just a few minutes earlier!
Next it was my turn to decline. Jax - “Here Shane you'll love this.” Me – “What are those?” Jax - “They're snails.” Me – “Excuse me I have to visit the men's. Don't put any of those things on my plate and I'd appreciate it if the bowl weren't here when I return.”
Ok, so this is mostly what I remember about Thursday night. If it isn't quite what happened – well that's the thing about memories. We self edit them for various reasons and in the end, it's the story of our lives we choose to look back on so why the hell not? You know what? I think I'll just edit a bit more. Ahhh yessss, I remember something else.
Justin was talking about work and what a tough day it was. I was thinking how I could “one up” him with an even worse version of my day. My trip over didn't seem to paint quite the picture I was going for. Then I remembered seeing something on Youtube that sorta captured the job hating spirit. I'll just leave you with that. Cheers all! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj6kcpys_Tg
. I forgot the damn napkin, too, and left it on the bar if you can believe that.