Irritating Server

Thought I would throw this out for thoughts.

A very nice restaurant that we frequent has a server who my wife and I find very exceedingly irritating - this person practically reads the menu to us, explains everything in minute detail, goes on to tell us their personal favorite dishes, explains to me how the chef does this or that, and so forth. They interject themselves into private conversations and want to chit chat, etc. The behavior is obsequious to the nth degree. Bottem line is they don't do anything wrong other than just get under your skin. We eat out frequently we've come to know and befriended some truely wonderful profesionals locally - this particular server seems to be relatively new and over reaching. Unfortunately things have not improved with multiple attempts. In fact they are worse because the more they know us - the more they talk, and talk, and talk. I've had to beg my wife not to be rude.

I've made crazy attempts to avoid this person's section to the point of asking to be seated in a certain area. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or get anyone in trouble because I know they are trying their best - but how should this be handled - or should I just let it go - eat at other options - or keep playing the musical chairs game and try to subtlely avoid this person?

I definitely have to agree with Annemarie on this. Management should definitely be notified about the conduct of the server. Especially if she's relatively new she probably doesn't realize how irritating her actions really are. It seems like you have a pretty good rapport with the restaurant otherwise so I'm sure they would accept your comments as beneficial.

Besides since you know about the situation you need to correct it before it any of the rest of us have to put up with it!

Annemarie's advice about calling ahead is good advice. I think customer service issues find a better resolution when discussed in person, so, if not too big a hassle, I might just stop in and talk to a manager. Maybe during the afternoon off hours? Possibly a slight inconvenience for you but doing so would show your investment in a resolution and demonstrate to the establishment your care.

Ahh... you got the 'fire-in-the-pants-dying-for-the-regulars' server methinks.

Does this person practically chase you out of the restaurant with the 'come back and see me?'

It's a learning curve for the type A personalities, especially when fresh to the game.

If you don't wanna mess with them, then call beforehand and request anyone but them. When asked, simply say 'thier service style is great, but we prefer something more private.'

They won't get in trouble- in fact, the management understands this already. Trust me, there are many guests who love that service style! You make it a preference, not an acusation.

Now, great servers always learn to balance out thier style, over time. If this person is spending time studying cooking techniques, they'll get it. They want to...

If you'd like to mess with them, then a quick 'snub' works best for your expectations of the meal. It might hurt thier feelings a bit, at first, but they'll get it:

When they begin the overly detailed opening descriptions of the specials, stop them and point out your expectations for a meal.

(my words now, adapt to your own language)

/raises hand, chest high

'We love you. Relax. We're hands-off people.'

You know, a lot of times enthusiasm for the subject meets nervousness and it's a train wreck!

(and I have often been the conductor)

i venture to guess this is a male... out of curiosity care to divulge ?

And a good guess it is. Of the top 5 most irritating servers I've seen, 4 have been male. But the worst was a single mother with 3 kids.

I felt bad for her. The outside life of 'mommy can I have (x)' and her desparateness to provide it created a maelstorm she couldn't resist.

Her service was almost... desparate.

Yeah I will speak with someone - I sort of feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

Yeah I will speak with someone - I sort of feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

I can understand your position, trust me.

Imagine yourself sitting back with some brews with this person, having a talk. You want the best for them, but you have to tell them something that won't make them happy, yet will put food on thier plate.

Trust me, there are some other diners that feel the way you do. And they won't pay her/him the same service.

This person will get better at it. You just don't throw out the good ones. You invest in them and teach them and someday, POW! Rockstar.

You're reading about thier work and smiling, remembering when...

Yeah I will speak with someone - I sort of feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

I can understand your position, trust me.

Imagine yourself sitting back with some brews with this person, having a talk. You want the best for them, but you have to tell them something that won't make them happy, yet will put food on thier plate.

Trust me, there are some other diners that feel the way you do. And they won't pay her/him the same service.

This person will get better at it. You just don't throw out the good ones. You invest in them and teach them and someday, POW! Rockstar.

You're reading about thier work and smiling, remembering when...

Great insight and wisdom - thanks!

Well, if you are a regular and this server has waited on you several times... why wouldn't you just tell the server what you want? You can even ask him/her to join you to the side for a moment.

You could say:

We are regulars and would love to have you be "that" server that we ask for. Seriously, we would ask for you every time we visit. There's just these few little things that we prefer. We would like our cocktails ready when we arrive, a quick summary of the menu for the evening with the details ready for the asking, and then we would like to be left alone to enjoy each other's company. Give us those things and we will be happy customers for a long time.

You know, a lot of times enthusiasm for the subject meets nervousness and it's a train wreck!

(and I have often been the conductor)

Love you- Mr. Conductor!

Deb

Mark, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. In any service situation there is a fine line between being friendly and knowlegable or overbearing and it can take a long time to learn, and frankly even for someone with years of experience it is a teetering act.
Also a good manager will know that not every server will mesh with every guest (personal chemistry is an ellusive thing) and will find you someone more to your liking without the server getting into trouble.
I must say that I find the fact you have any guilt about this at all very endearing.

See if the manager can find you a different server, or maybe go on a night when you know the irritating one won't be working...they can't work every night, right?

As others said, what you find irritating, someone else may find charming. We recently went to one of our favorite spots up here and found out our usual server had left the business. We got a very chatty, gloating guy that assured us he was the server we'd be requesting time and time again...sure fire way to ensure we never request you again! He was very irritating, we'd already made it clear we were regulars and yet he went over the whole menu, told us about the chef and manager (met both several times) and how he had so many regular customers. Absolutely irritating, DH finally had to tell him to give us some privacy since it was a special night out for us. But while we were there, two adjacent tables were seated and both had requested this server (as he let us know) and seeing the interactions and hearing the conversations, they saw him on a very frequent basis and had a report with him. I wanted to hang him by his toes from the nearest tree before the evening was over...different strokes for different folks. I just prefer a server that's efficient, friendly and not so overbearing. I will be requesting a different server next time for sure, if I even go back...a large part of the draw was our server.