when restaurants refuse substitutions

Ive been following this thread with interest and have thought about responding, but havent because I wasnt exactly sure how I felt about the topic, I see both (or all 5) sides, somewhat. Then, today, I figured it out:

Substitution requests should be just that: requests. Its nice if the restaurant can accomodate the request, and the simpler or deadlier (nut allergies) the request, the more likely it should be to be done. However, the asker should be asking with the spirit of a request, which means NEVER getting upset or offended if the restaurant says no. Yes, it would be nice if an explanation is given, but it shouldnt be required. If the answer is no, move on to the backup item you had planned to order in case the request was denied (you did think that far ahead, didnt you? I think it would be rude to not).

Spirit of a request. That is my position. If you are making a demand instead of a request, you are out of line.

Substitution requests should be just that: requests. Its nice if the restaurant can accomodate the request, and the simpler or deadlier (nut allergies) the request, the more likely it should be to be done. However, the asker should be asking with the spirit of a request, which means NEVER getting upset or offended if the restaurant says no. Yes, it would be nice if an explanation is given, but it shouldnt be required. If the answer is no, move on to the backup item you had planned to order in case the request was denied.

I concur with Rob. Most good places will accomodate reasonable substitution requests. I've done it quite a few times at a favorite like Varanese...not a big fan of this side item, can I substitute this other side that is on the menu? 99% of the time they oblige, they couldn't once b/c they were out of the requested brussel sprouts. On the other hand, I ordered the pork sausages at Blind Pig awhile back. I am not a huge fan of cabbage and asked if something could be substituted / any other option. The waitress went on to explain the dish is truly a sausage AND caggabe dish and she recommended that I give it a try...so I did. I was not converted to a cabbage lover, but the dish was still good. I had absolutely no problems that the restaurant / server went down this path.

I think the key to happiness on both sides is for diners and servers / chefs to keep an open-mind, be reasonable, don't make demands, and strive to have / offer a great experience.

DD