server complains about tip

Are we at the point that we can't discuss anything? I'm beginning to feel that way! This is a forum for a certain group of hopefully knowledgeable persons who can come to their own conclusions. If I want to say a place sucks, I want the freedom to do that. Let my mouth run a little among my fellows. If the restaurant in question was on top of things, they would be reading this and be on it stat. Whats the fun in it all if a little gossip and tattling is not included. Write a column if you don't want to read opinions.

[Robin Garr]

Write a column if you don't want to read opinions.

Wait! Can't I do both?

Are we at the point that we can't discuss anything? I'm beginning to feel that way! This is a forum for a certain group of hopefully knowledgeable persons who can come to their own conclusions. If I want to say a place sucks, I want the freedom to do that. Let my mouth run a little among my fellows. If the restaurant in question was on top of things, they would be reading this and be on it stat. Whats the fun in it all if a little gossip and tattling is not included. Write a column if you don't want to read opinions.

I'm feeling the same way myself. I visited a new restaurant in the area and subsequently posted a VALID question on this site about something that happened while I was there. I did not insult the restaurant. I just wanted to know if this particular occurence was common (I haven't seen it in 45 years of dining out).

Shortly thereafter I received a very haughty PM on the site from the owner of the restaurant who did not like my question because he thought I was going to damage his business. He was extremely defensive and practically antagonistic. I courteously informed him that I was not going to engage in a war of words with him, but that I believed my question was valid.

I also informed him that the sole reason I would never return to his business again was simply his attitude, and that I doubt very seriously that asking a valid question was going to impact his bottom line. I didn't say the food was terrible (to the contrary) and the service was fine (with the exception that I questioned which was NOT the server's fault).

He lost a customer, and I don't post much on this board because of the "circling the wagons" approach I see when people have valid questions/complaints.

I wish my place of employment had that attitude (don't say anything unless it's something nice).

[Robin Garr]

Shortly thereafter I received a very haughty PM on the site from the owner of the restaurant who did not like my question because he thought I was going to damage his business. He was extremely defensive and practically antagonistic. I courteously informed him that I was not going to engage in a war of words with him, but that I believed my question was valid.

Please let me know, privately if you wish, if anyone abuses the PM feature in this way again. Or even retroactively, if you like.

Of course you can Robin. I think you do an excellent job on both fronts, and don't envy your position as mediator on some of the issues that arise here. I just want to have some fun sometimes without all the scrutiny that involves,. I would write a lot more if I wasn't afraid of the "circling of the wagons" mentality that sometimes seems prevalent here. We all struggle in this business, and yes I would get offended if negative things were said about my Cafe, but I would also try to address that issue in the fastest and best way possible. More restaurant owners should monitor this site and keep in touch... but I think we've talked about that before. I hope everyone has a sane, spiritual, and profitable holiday season, if all those ideals can coalesce at the same time... I hope so. Bill

Matt, u are full of it, no one said a word to management, and those numbers are waaaaaay off.
I should know I was there, and if you think you are so smart, get the names of the whole dinner party, and publish them, and their amounts, if not stay out of it.

Are we at the point that we can't discuss anything? I'm beginning to feel that way! This is a forum for a certain group of hopefully knowledgeable persons who can come to their own conclusions. If I want to say a place sucks, I want the freedom to do that. Let my mouth run a little among my fellows. If the restaurant in question was on top of things, they would be reading this and be on it stat. Whats the fun in it all if a little gossip and tattling is not included. Write a column if you don't want to read opinions.

Susanne, I don't know if it was my post in particular that offended you, but since your post was directly subsequent to mine, then I assume it was. If so, I apologize. Nonetheless, I stand behind my belief that someone should allow a mistake to be rememdied prior to their complaining. I think that the six pages of comments that this thread has generated is a pretty good indication that discussion is exactly what is taking place. I have no problem reading opinions nor expressing them, hence my continued reading of the board and my previous post expressing my opinion. Having said that, I would venture to say that your sentiments above are a classic case of the kettle calling the pot black. On a further note, it is my understanding that this forum is not for "a certain group" of people, but for anyone who cares to join.

[Robin Garr]

Susanne, I don't know if it was my post in particular that offended you, but since your post was directly subsequent to mine, then I assume it was.

Beth, if I can jump in, I don't think Bill (using Susanne's login) meant that as a response to you ... remember, this forum software isn't "threaded" except by the optional use of back quotes. I really got the impression that Bill was reacting to the whole six pages of discussion in general. It's just a coincidence that he posted right after you, so his post turned up next.

To change the subject around a bit, I had dinner with a friend tonight who asked me what I thought about servers who, having received a 30% tip by him and and also who said to the server Thank you very much for the great service" , never return to the table to say thanks and I hope you will come in again and ask for me.
He indicated that no server had ever come back to say thanks for an overly generous tip. So the question to those in the service arena, would that be standard practice or just bad judgement in not trying to cultivate a high tipper?
Just curious.

To make up for any crummy tips I may have left over the years, tonight I think I tipped about 40% and gave my server a glass of my wine. I hope I paid my penance.

Matt, u are full of it, no one said a word to management, and those numbers are waaaaaay off.
I should know I was there, and if you think you are so smart, get the names of the whole dinner party, and publish them, and their amounts, if not stay out of it.

if im wrong im sorry . i contacted the people in that restaurant to let them know what happend to your friend because i was mad that a`server would do that and thought they should know about i was told by people i trust that the tip was .93 cents if u have the right to say bad things about people i know that may or may not be true i will defend them until u prove to me that your friend tipped more . the people at rubys read hot bytes thats how they knew about it and questioned the staff until they found out who it was because he was going to be fired until several other people verified the tip was what i said if im wrong sorry but if im right your friend tipped not 18 to 20 % and i will not stay out of it untill u prove other wise

No one has any proof that these were the same incident! They could be completely different and management of Jeff Ruby's me know nothing about Heather's incident.

To change the subject around a bit, I had dinner with a friend tonight who asked me what I thought about servers who, having received a 30% tip by him and and also who said to the server Thank you very much for the great service" , never return to the table to say thanks and I hope you will come in again and ask for me.
He indicated that no server had ever come back to say thanks for an overly generous tip. So the question to those in the service arena, would that be standard practice or just bad judgement in not trying to cultivate a high tipper?
Just curious.

A person shouldn't give a tip with an expectation of any future action (including an extra thank you). A person should give a tip based on the satisfactory completion of a job or task. And, unless the job was over-and-above in some way, I think the tip should be in-line with the expected standard (which we can now haggle over).

People call me crazy for saying this, but, when I was serving tables, one of the things I really didn't like about the job was the overly generous tip. Honestly, an overly generous tip never made me feel good. I know many people - including servers and ex-servers - leave them to make up for the crappy servers. Anything over 22-25% just seemed creepy to me (unless it is a extra-small or extra-big tab). If someone left me 10 on a 20-dollar tab, I was suspicious. Granted, I think the man is always after me, so..

Are we at the point that we can't discuss anything? I'm beginning to feel that way! This is a forum for a certain group of hopefully knowledgeable persons who can come to their own conclusions. If I want to say a place sucks, I want the freedom to do that. Let my mouth run a little among my fellows. If the restaurant in question was on top of things, they would be reading this and be on it stat. Whats the fun in it all if a little gossip and tattling is not included. Write a column if you don't want to read opinions.

Well, you totally have the freedom to say that any place sucks, but by the same token that place or any fan of that place also totally has the right to say you're wrong

Perhaps you should write your own opinion column, but given how a negative review on this site (based on any number of random people's personal taste and expectations) can effect an establishment's business, I think you'd be nuts to not expect some kind of response or defense to a negative comment.

Get back to work, Jeremy!

Beth, if I can jump in, I don't think Bill (using Susanne's login) meant that as a response to you ... remember, this forum software isn't "threaded" except by the optional use of back quotes. I really got the impression that Bill was reacting to the whole six pages of discussion in general. It's just a coincidence that he posted right after you, so his post turned up next.

Thanks Robin, I realize that. I'm in no way personally offended. I just think it's humorous that someone would complain that they could not share his/her opinion at the risk of other people sharing theirs. I've seen the wagons circle on this board under all circumstances, not just negative comments, and I think it's simply human nature. It's an inevitable characteristic of a public forum.