I just don't get it thread!!!

Civility Lost

These discussions crack me up...

I can't say I understand what's so tacky about separate checks. I almost never carry cash and neither do most of my friends. What's the big deal if I pay for mine and they pay for theirs, or if a group of couples goes out and there's a check for each couple? I can understand how this could get problematic if it were a large group of people, but in most cases I think separate checks are fine.

Why would you need cash? Just hand the server your three credit cards and say, please put $_____ on each one. Voila, easy.

What the???!!! That IS separating a check, Ron.

No, it's not. The server present one check for $90 to a party of three. We ask that he put $30 on each card. We DO NOT ask for each of our own individual checks with just the things on it that each of us ordered, so that one check is $27.48, one is $32.52, and the last is $30 even.

Big difference.

Not really.


I think we have established the exception and validity to the your separate check rule......huge parties of people. It slows down the server and the other customers are neglected. So in that case, it's rude to the other customers in a way. But a group of three, its nothing and what you have there is literally no different from just having separate checks. I still have to run 3 cards and still have to punch in 3 different sets of numbers. I may save 4 seconds.

hold on Aaron....it's not a problem with management, and it's not a problem with customers. It's an issue of self awareness...if you need separate checks, and there are a lot of them, then you just need to look around, see how many tables there are and realize, that 6+ separate checks IS an exception to the normal courtesy. It's not a big deal, just be understanding that it might take a little longer.

there...not tacky for asking, no big deal, bear with the server...cool? Everyone's happy.

[Robin Garr]

In many ways this is an outstanding thread: It takes on some serious dining issues and illustrates how there can be a deep divide between the way that consumers and servers view the dining experience.

I think there's still plenty of ground to be plowed here.

I'd like to blow the referee's whistle gently, though, and ask everyone - especially those involved in the "split checks" sub-thread - to remember our long and good tradition of civil discourse in the forum, and urge you not to take passionate discussion of dining issues as if it were a personal attack.

Okay, keep it moving, nothing to see here ...

I think one of the more sticky things about being a server is that there are a lot of situations where different people have differing expectations of what kind of behavior/practices are acceptable/expected when dining out, and the server frequently gets caught in the middle...it's one of the biggest issues I have with serving.

I can't say I understand what's so tacky about separate checks. I almost never carry cash and neither do most of my friends. What's the big deal if I pay for mine and they pay for theirs, or if a group of couples goes out and there's a check for each couple? I can understand how this could get problematic if it were a large group of people, but in most cases I think separate checks are fine.

Why would you need cash? Just hand the server your three credit cards and say, please put $_____ on each one. Voila, easy.

What the???!!! That IS separating a check, Ron.

No, it's not. The server present one check for $90 to a party of three. We ask that he put $30 on each card. We DO NOT ask for each of our own individual checks with just the things on it that each of us ordered, so that one check is $27.48, one is $32.52, and the last is $30 even.

Big difference.

Not really.


I think we have established the exception and validity to the your separate check rule......huge parties of people. It slows down the server and the other customers are neglected. So in that case, it's rude to the other customers in a way. But a group of three, its nothing and what you have there is literally no different from just having separate checks. I still have to run 3 cards and still have to punch in 3 different sets of numbers. I may save 4 seconds.

No matter how you slice it, it still ain't asking the server for an individual checks for each person. If you mean something different by the term "separate checks" then I stand corrected. I take it to mean each person is asking for their own check reflecting only what they ordered, not an equal division of the check total. Maybe my lingo is off?

I don't see what the big deal is.

me either Erin.

Hold up. Erin doesn't see what the big deal is because she thinks it's all about what you are comfortable with. But from what you've said earlier in the thread you don't think that at all Ron. I really don't think it's good form to edit someone's response like that to change the way it reads.

This should be read as being neither nasty nor sarcastic.

I went back and looked at Erin's post. It's not edited by me or anyone else that I can see. I wouldn't know how to go about editing someone else's post. As for editing what part of her quote I was responding to, I think that is just being accurate. It is done all the time on these forums. It is very confusing to quote an entire post if you are only replying to a portion of it. Most of your posts today seem to be directed at me rather than the topic, so I think if I continue to respond to you I am only making the matter worse.

I guess you hit it earlier when you said "different strokes for different folks". Outside of big parties of people, it isn't anymore difficult for a server to make separate checks for 3 people or to run 3 cards with even amounts. I like to pay for me and only me, you have much better friends than I so you prefer 1 check. I still don't see why it's tacky though to separate checks when there is only a couple of people?

you have much better friends than I so you prefer 1 check.

wow, I am very sorry that you took it that I somehow implied this. You obviously don't know my friends. Most have a fairly extensive criminal record, a drinking problem, or both.

hold on Aaron....it's not a problem with management, and it's not a problem with customers. It's an issue of self awareness...if you need separate checks, and there are a lot of them, then you just need to look around, see how many tables there are and realize, that 6+ separate checks IS an exception to the normal courtesy. It's not a big deal, just be understanding that it might take a little longer.

there...not tacky for asking, no big deal, bear with the server...cool? Everyone's happy.

Oh certainly, self awareness as well as self responsibility factors into it all, and I agree that 6+ seperate checks is a deviation from the normal courtesy and that customers should be aware of that (and the 13+ checks Amanda cited sounds pretty ungodly). It's one of the reasons I mentioned earlier that I usually increase the tip when the servers save us the trouble of splitting the check up.

But at the same time, it's nigh-impossible for a customer to look around and really know how much any one particular server has going on. Part of what I was getting at is that I understand it's a lot for one person to have no their plate, and I tend to question a manager that puts one server on so many assignments, that dealing with one drasticly interferes with another.

you have much better friends than I so you prefer 1 check.

wow, I am very sorry that you took it that I somehow implied this. You obviously don't know my friends. Most have a fairly extensive criminal record, a drinking problem, or both.

Ha! Me too! If they found out that I would equally throw in with the check they would run up a tab so large that I would be wondering why I am paying 50 bucks for the 12 wings and 2 beers I just had. That's funny

I went back and looked at Erin's post. It's not edited by me or anyone else that I can see. I wouldn't know how to go about editing someone else's post. As for editing what part of her quote I was responding to, I think that is just being accurate. It is done all the time on these forums. It is very confusing to quote an entire post if you are only replying to a portion of it. Most of your posts today seem to be directed at me rather than the topic, so I think if I continue to respond to you I am only making the matter worse.

Yes, of course, I was speaking specificly about editting the quote, which is why I referrenced editting the response, not the post. And yes, quote editting is done routinely to respond to only a portion of it. I'll note that you left in the entirety of the previously quoted text as well, but only editted out the portion which illustrated why she did not see what the big deal was. Editting for brevity is fine, but edits which remove the context of the statement are problematic for obvious reasons.

I'm sorry if you feel this is directed personally at you. It's not. It's only directed at what you have said in this particular thread. If there were other posts as vehemently opposed to check splitting as you are, I assure you I'd be addressing those as well, and indeed I have responded to posts other than yours. I've agreed with you in the past more than I've disagreed with you, this is just one of the latter...

Growing up on the east coast, we never had split checks. The servers never offered, and most menus stated clearly that it was not going to happen. When we went out to dinner in groups, we brought cash (and usually someone would run up to the bar to break a $20 to make change a little easier), or one person would volunteer to pay the entire thing on a credit card and everyone else would pay that person cash. Annoying, yes, but that was (and is) the culture.

I was really surprised when I moved here and found servers asking me before taking my order if my checks would be together or separate. Even when out with my boyfriend on what I would think is pretty obviously a date, we get asked if the checks are together (I guess it's actually a nice thing if you're out on a blind date and think it might not go well; you can be relieved that at least you can pay your own way and get out "even" ). So I'm surprised that there are servers and customers on the forum who don't like the practice -- I thought it was completely a Louisville "thing"!

Actually, over spring break, I had a friend from here visit me back in DC, and I realized with some embarrassment, when it came time to pay the check, that we were about to do it the Louisville way; the server was pretty nice about it, but I warned my friend to bring cash the rest of the week. (And we didn't ask for a separate check for each diner; we handed the server a handful of credit cards and wrote on the check how much to charge on each one -- I actually think of both of these methods as "splitting a check," since they both involved multiple forms of payment.)

Anyway, I haven't even read the last few posts on the topic, since it was getting a little crazy, but I just wanted to offer this as my transplanted-to-Louisville observation.

OK, I'm going to be a Smart a$$ here.

Presuming that the establishment has a standing rule they don't split checks, Yes there are a few in this city.

How hard is this one. 5 Diners, $137.00 Check, divided by 5 = $27.40 + 15% from each, round it up for even numbers saying $4.60 totals $32.00 per person. The server just made $ 2.45 more than 15% of total check and everyone should be fine.

Yes that depends on who had what and if squabbling comes naturally to them all. I don't like paying for things I did'nt order either. So, I mentally calculate what I or my party consumes, round it to even number, depending on service, add gratuity, place cash with the bill and simply say to everyone..."that takes care of me" and I'm done with it.

Whew, I feel better now...

Holly, it never even occurred to me that it might be a regional thing. That's fascinating. I'm going to have to ask around and get the opinions of some other non-native Louisvillians.