Just in time for the weekend...50 things servers hate

Let's get this discussion back on the constructive track...you guys do what Ed said (talk about your favorite things servers do) and I'll do the same for guests. Ed started, I'll follow.

I recently had a regular call me from Florida to ask for the recipe of one of our cocktails so they could make one down there. They were away for a while and apparently couldn't wait to get back and order one in person. I love that!

As a woman in my yearly defense of other women, I always tip 20 percent—unless the service is truly abysmal, in which case I usually do the perfunctory 15 percent. Except last week, when I got home and realized I'd accidentally tipped the nice breakfast/lunch server 40 percent. (And don't ask where, because I won't be doing THAT again!) Live stereotype: Women are bad at math.

[Robin Garr]

... I got home and realized I'd accidentally tipped the nice breakfast/lunch server 40 percent. (And don't ask where, because I won't be doing THAT again!) Live stereotype: Women are bad at math.

I did exactly the same thing the other day, Eve, so it's not entirely a Y chromosome thing.

I'll fess up, too, it was at Meridian Cafe. The bill was small enough, and the service good enough, than when I realized on the way home what I had done, I just laughed and figured oh, well, it probably made her day.

... I got home and realized I'd accidentally tipped the nice breakfast/lunch server 40 percent. (And don't ask where, because I won't be doing THAT again!) Live stereotype: Women are bad at math.

I did exactly the same thing the other day, Eve, so it's not entirely a Y chromosome thing.

I'll fess up, too, it was at Meridian Cafe. The bill was small enough, and the service good enough, than when I realized on the way home what I had done, I just laughed and figured oh, well, it probably made her day.

I do it as well. On a small bill especially. If a six dollar check was a ten dollar experience, I'll leave ten.

[Robin Garr]

I do it as well. On a small bill especially. If a six dollar check was a ten dollar experience, I'll leave ten.

Oh, yeah, I'll tip disproportionately like that on a very small bill, too. A $5 tip costs me the same whether it's on a $10 meal or a $25 meal. I was talking about doing it by mistake, though.

This wasn't just coffee and a bagel.

[Robin Garr]

This wasn't just coffee and a bagel.

Neither was this. It was lunch. All right, as long as I'm just parading my stupidity here, I had a senior moment and calculated 20 percent of $25 as $10.

I love a good server that treads the line between good, attentive service (which is hard to accurately define. It's different for everyone) and doing all but crawling up in my lap with their attention. So yes... what I like is a server that can READ MY MIND! And I have run into quite a few of them out there. I think the best servers are just naturally attuned to what someone else needs. It shows a lack of selfishness of their part and a heightened sense of caring/hosting instead.
And when I get a server like that I tip heavily because I think they may have other clairvoyance capabilities and might be able to flatten my tires from a distance.

Not to beat a dead horse, but there are a couple of more reasons why large groups of women get a bad rap as opposed to their male counterparts.

First of all, rarely will 8 men call each other and arrange to go out to eat. Usually a large group of men is out on some sort of business function. In those cases they are eating on the company's dime and have no problem ordering what they want, thereby increasing the check total. As is the nature of business, the check is usually picked up by whomever is in charge.

Women on the other hand go out to eat together for a variety of reasons. You see a lot of birthday events, teacher's groups, Red Hat women, girl's night out, tennis and bunco groups, etc. etc. Whatever group they are a part of supercedes dining out in importance. It becomes more of a social event than a dining out event. As Jeremy pointed out, each woman usually wants their own check. As a result, they are more aware of their spending. A salad and iced tea is clear less desirable to a server than the Ribeye and glass of cab a man might have ordered.

So,,, you end up with a table that spends less, requires more attention, is more social and therefore stays longer, and is generally more work and less reward to the server. Of course a server should never give worse service to these women's groups than men's, but I can see how Eliza might perceive this as a common occurence. That vibe she referred to may not be that the service is any worse, it may just be that the server isn't as visibly excited about the money making potential of the table as they would be in the cases where it's all men or a mixed group.

Women on the other hand go out to eat together for a variety of reasons. You see a lot of birthday events, teacher's groups, Red Hat women, girl's night out, tennis and bunco groups, etc. etc. Whatever group they are a part of supercedes dining out in importance. It becomes more of a social event than a dining out event. As Jeremy pointed out, each woman usually wants their own check. As a result, they are more aware of their spending. A salad and iced tea is clear less desirable to a server than the Ribeye and glass of cab a man might have ordered.

You made some great points...this thread made me really think about how much I should tip when I'm "out with the tennis girls." Although most of us order high-end, wine by the glass and a "real" meal...Last week, I spent $30 something before tip at Boombozz (Westport Village) and tipped her $10.00 in acknowledgement of her extra effort and excellent service. AND, I encouraged others in my party to do the same:)

Ribeye and glass of cab a man might have ordered.

A real man would order a nice Porter (brown, robust or Baltic) with his ribeye.

Ribeye and glass of cab a man might have ordered.

A real man would order a nice Porter (brown, robust or Baltic) with his ribeye.

I'm just wondering why I capitalized ribeye.

A real man would order a nice Porter (brown, robust or Baltic) with his ribeye.

A real man would slaughter the steer for the ribeye. With a pocket knife.

Back to the somewhat meandering thread, one of the things I appreciate and tend to notice is a server who is good at mirroring their customers. If you're in a talkative mood, they'll engage you. If you're in the restaurant to have a romantic meal they'll make themselves invisible. It's a disservice to call this a sixth sense since it's definitely a skill, but that's how it seems.

I've found that the more experienced server seems to have a better handle on this.

A real man would order a nice Porter (brown, robust or Baltic) with his ribeye.

A real man would slaughter the steer for the ribeye. With a pocket knife.

Only if it's a local steer.

...of the things I appreciate and tend to notice is a server who is good at mirroring their customers. If you're in a talkative mood, they'll engage you. If you're in the restaurant to have a romantic meal they'll make themselves invisible. It's a disservice to call this a sixth sense since it's definitely a skill, but that's how it seems.

I've found that the more experienced server seems to have a better handle on this.

Damnit, Steve A.! Will you please post something that I don't totally agree with to the point that I sit here, nodding in silent acknowledgment. Every. Freakin. Time. (I'm a fan of you)