"We're not done eating."

This has been my pet peeve for years and years. It is uncomfortable for some people to have their plates taken away while others are still eating. It brings back bad memories of my childhood when I was almost always the last one to finish. I have had a nearly uncontrollable desire to stab the hand of the server or busser who tries to relieve me of my plate before everyone has finished. It's worse in restaurants that have bussers who do nothing BUT try to take your plate away. Comments?http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2015/06/23/no-you-may-not-clear-my-plate-the-most-annoying-restaurant-trend-happening-today/?tid=sm_fb

That is very annoying, though I honestly cannot recall when it has every happened to me. I'm sure that it has, but it's rare. Maybe I look threatening? Dunno.

[Robin Garr]

Thanks for reposting here, Carolyn! I hope this starts a great conversation.

Here's the response I posted on the HotBytes Facebook page:

Carolyn, that is a great question! I agree with you. It bugs me when servers are too attentive and keep touching up the table when I'd really like to be left to enjoy the meal, friends and conversation.

Restaurants are in a bind, though, because for every diner like us, there is another who comes in with a sense of entitlement and gets crabby if they are not pampered. They want constant attention, perhaps because they don't get it in their own lives. If the servers DON'T attend to their every wish, they complain. So a good server tries to hit a balance, but sometimes misses.

Also ...

My suggestion (when this happens) is that you be kind to the server, but still express your opinion: "We would really rather enjoy our meal in a leisurely way. We don't need to have the plates cleared until we're all through. If you'll give us a little space, please, we'll let you know when we're through."

If the server is smart, he or she will get a clear message from that. And if they play along, they've earned an extra tip.

I really think this is a two-headed coin that puts the server/busboy in a predicament in many cases. Some people would rather have their plate removed immediately when they are done eating so don't sit there looking at a dirty plate. Others would rather wait until everyone at the table is done eating to have the plates cleared. One group or the other one is going to get upset the matter what the waitstaff does!

Which is why, in my experience, most servers don't just grab, they ask, "May I take that plate for you?" Which is the diner's opportunity to express his or her preference.

I'm on the side of caution...

You never take a plate away until everyone is finished. If it seems that someone wants their plate removed, come over their right shoulder, place your hand under the plate and if they don't give you the 'please don't' look within three seconds- it's done.

This is especially interesting for me as I am an extremely fast eater, and my fiancee is a slow eater, so it pops up every time we dine out. Every restaurants seems to handle it differently. I would always prefer they leave my plate, but sometimes they don't ask.

There are a lot of nuances to this but my general rule is that if the empty plate is still directly in front of them I leave it there until everyone is finished. If it is put to the side or on the corner of the table, I take it.

It can be tricky to offer courteous sevice sometimes though when dealing with discourteous guests. A lot of times there will be one person monopolizing the conversation and as a result is still straggling to finish their meal when everyone else has been done for a while. The others would like their plates removed but are still at the mercy of Mr Talky Talky. At that point it becomes a judgement call as to who you want to keep happy. Usually it ends up being whomever is paying the bill. lol

Back in the dark ages, the "rule" was that if one's silverware were resting on both the table and plate, the plate was not cleared; on the other hand, if the silverware were on the plate, together, at around 4:20 (or 8:40 for a southpaw), then the plate was cleared. If the silverware didn't give a clue, then the "rule" was not to clear until all were done, as that gave the appearance of 'rushing' those not finished. Most servers today weren't alive back when that was common!

I've even been to places here in Louisville where I was in the middle of dinner, had put my fork down on one side and the knife on the other of a plate half-filled with food, taken a glass of wine, turned to talk to the person on my right, and reached for another bite of food only to find the server across the room with my half-filled plate!

Andrew, the way you mentioned whether a plate should be cleared or not was certainly what I was taught growing up too. It's too bad that today's younger generation and servers didn't learn that but then again many of them seem to have never learned manners of any type.

I think we've all seen our plates with food of them heading away from us without being asked. One or 2 times I've even had my entire plate replaced with a new meal when they ran away with the old one before I was finished. I hope the server or busboy who took the plate had to pay for the replacement.

[Robin Garr]

I hope the server or busboy who took the plate had to pay for the replacement.

I hope the server or busboy who took the plate had to pay for the replacement.

You beat me to it. Only I was going to use the eye roll.

A nit to pick for me as well. I agree with the WaPo blogger - it just makes everyone uncomfortable to pick up plates before all are finished (or, at least it makes me uncomfortable!).

[Robin Garr]

The snarky folks over at Jezebel chime in on this, with adult language ...

WaPo Writer Loses His Shit Over Servers Taking Away Empty Plates
http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/wapo-wri ... 1713751166

Sadly, with bussers going the way of the do do bird (and sometimes even a host), there is more on a server's *ahem* plate than ever before. "Full hands in and out" rules and all; if a server can grab something on her way back into the kitchen, it's a saved trip later when she has to quickly turn the table to make $$. I personally like having my dirty plate cleared ASAP; I used to be able to just push it to the side, but tables have gotten so darn small to cram more of 'em in the space! Just wanted to lob that perspective into the mix, since the argument kind of spins its wheels with the whole..."to clear or not to clear". It's more interesting to me *why* it might be trending than if it's valid. (ftr, I discovered my dreams of being a chef at my first job in high school-as a busser)