Discussion of Marsha's Industry Standard: Terrible Couple

[Robin Garr]

Industry Standard: Insider info for those who dine out

The Terrible Couple

By Marsha Lynch

A few days ago, a server friend of mine posted the following Facebook status: "I'm at a restaurant and I'm looking at this couple I've waited on somewhere. They were regulars wherever it was. They were rude, bitter, bad tippers and everyone would cringe when they walked in."

I chose to redact a physical description that includes signature headgear the lady wears. My friend continued: "They are Highlands people. If I could remember where it was I knew them from, I would tell them what the restaurant community really thinks of them, but I'm not 100% sure, so I can't do it. I always dream of running into these people who treat us like shit and giving them a piece of my mind. I guess I'm lucky right now it doesn't feel worth it. What would it accomplish? Does anyone know the couple I'm talking about?"

To be clear, my friend was dining out as a patron when he recognized this couple. Despite his fantasy and strong compulsion to confront them, he didn't. Why should he ruin his evening by creating a scene? And yet, the compulsion was nearly irresistible. "Really strong," he said to me later.

With 16 "likes" and more than 30 replies to the post over the course of the evening, it became obvious that this notorious couple has been terrorizing servers and managers at local restaurants for years. Like 25 years. Here's a sampling:

"I know the hats." "We used to call her 'stupid hat lady' … they truly suck." "And they shall know us by our trail of bad tipping." "I knew who you were talking about immediately! I really think they are just very odd people." "They are horrible people." "I remember exactly who you are talking about." "I haven't worked in a restaurant for 22 years. But I remember them." "Lack of tipping is the ultimate insult." "Some people do need to be sent a message not to eat in restaurants." "I remember them making passive-aggressive statements about the food and restaurant sort of ... at the same time they were very complimentary of their food strangely, but their attempt at rapport with me was just awkward ... They DEFINITELY see themselves as people who we'd LOVE to have as regulars. ... Ha, nope ... Leave already."

How has this couple gotten away with this awful, practically universally recognized and remembered bad behavior for all this time? Is all this blowback simply a function of poor tipping practices combined with unfortunately memorable headgear? My friend's answer was a resounding "no."

"They are rude, mean, entitled complainers who show up with a chip on their shoulder, as if we are mortal enemies engaging in battle and not server and diners. Every interaction is met with a scoff or eye-roll or just plain silence. They're unhappy, mean people, and I guess they think we all are as well."

I note with gratitude that not a single person reported or suggested adulterating the Terrible Couple's food. I have worked in many restaurants going on 15 years now, and I have never seen anyone, server or cook, deliberately tamper with a patron's food, no matter how horrible they were — no matter how many times they sent back that entrée. Many curse words are/have been/will be uttered, but it's really only in movies (or places of business with heinously poor management) where that sort of thing happens.

Good cooks and servers have personal integrity and wouldn't dream of serving anything unwholesome to a guest, despite whatever crazy behavior they decide to exhibit. But we will remember that behavior, those frivolous complaints, the dismissive way they treated their server. And we will talk amongst ourselves.

Are you the Terrible Couple? Does the entire roster of Louisville Metro restaurant servers hate to see you coming? Do you "camp" at your table, whiling away the hours rolling your eyes and complaining about trivial matters so often that you've garnered this reputation? And then, when you (thankfully) leave, do you leave a poor tip?

Well. Lucky you. We are still cooking and serving your food with a smile after all these years. And when one of us finally saw you out in public in a situation where he could have called you out, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Why don't you dine at home a few nights a week for a couple of months? Let's say … until after Derby? That would be awesome. See you next summer!

Marsha Lynch has worked at many Louisville independent restaurants including Limestone, Jack Fry's, Jarfi's, L&N Wine Bar and Bistro and Café Lou Lou.

Read it on LouisvilleHotBytes:
http://www.louisvillehotbytes.com/the-terrible-couple

and in LEO Weekly:
http://leoweekly.com/dining/industry-st ... ine-out-60

I know the couple you are referring to. Well, not personally but through reputation. It's not uncommon for servers to fantasize about telling off these sorts of people and there are more of them than you might think. It's awful when these kinds of people become regulars in your restaurant.

One of the problems is that once they become regulars, the management and staff feel obligated to make a bigger deal about their presence when they do come in. This leads to them becoming more frequent visitors and perpetuating the problem. It's probably the only time you wish someone hated your restaurant.

I hope they stay in the Highlands, thank goodness I have no idea who they are. Though I do have my own stories.

Once upon a time I worked with a company where employees frequently dined out with each other at lunch, as a group. There was one woman who, because she was on TV for 30 seconds two or three times a week, felt like she was a local celebrity. (Hardly) never the less, every time she joined us for lunch she created a scene. Every meal was returned never being up to her standards. Every food server got a dressing down because of poor service. And it was never just a comment or two , it was always accompanied by a "what are you going to do to make it right?" Then she would brag about the restaurants she'd been to that had bought her lunch based on her celebrity when in fact it was her "pain in the assedness" . Eventually everyone refused her luncheon invitations and she was forced to dine alone. I've often wondered if she was still feeding her needy ego in the same manner. Perhaps she has a dining partner now.

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

[Robin Garr]

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

Because "the customer is (almost) always right," and squashing egos can yield a ton of bad word of mouth even if it's not deserved? I'm just guessing here, but over the years I've seen the most successful people in the hospitality industry going out of their way to be good to their customers even when the customer awesomely fails to deserve it.

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

Perhaps Mike was referring to people that dine with theses egomaniacs? A valid question I think. In our circumstances it was office politics that kept everyone's' mouth sealed. I agree with Robin, even if well deserved it is likely that only one side of the discussion will be repeated and either the service personnel or the restaurant's reputation will be what is sullied.

If there's a silver lining to this scenario, it's that those of us who go out of our way to be courteous to waitstaff and leave a reasonable tip develop a reputation for that as well. At several of the restaurants my wife and I frequent servers often snag us when we're coming through the door and guide us to their station. Hopefully we do a little to balance out the experience of dealing with the jerks.

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

Because "the customer is (almost) always right," and squashing egos can yield a ton of bad word of mouth even if it's not deserved? I'm just guessing here, but over the years I've seen the most successful people in the hospitality industry going out of their way to be good to their customers even when the customer awesomely fails to deserve it.

A restaurant that graciously deals with bad, overbearing customers is a good one and deserves to have a good reputation. I can see why management would go a long way to keep that kind of reputation.

But. Management bears some responsibility towards their employees, too, and if I were a restaurant owner or manager at some point I'd be tempted to politely but firmly tell this couple that their behavior was unacceptable and their business wasn't wanted anymore.

Maybe I should never be a restaurant owner.

[Robin Garr]

But. Management bears some responsibility towards their employees, too, and if I were a restaurant owner or manager at some point I'd be tempted to politely but firmly tell this couple that their behavior was unacceptable and their business wasn't wanted anymore.

Maybe I should never be a restaurant owner.

Here's my guess, Jeff, and again, understand that we are talking about an ideal. Not a mythical ideal, because I've seen it in the real world, but not common, either: The restaurateur goes the extra mile to accommodate even the most flaming sphincters with grace. But the restaurateur also has earned loyalty and buy-in from the staff, and he does what he can to support them after the AH's have left the premises.

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

Perhaps Mike was referring to people that dine with theses egomaniacs?

That was the situation to which I was referring. Of course I doubt I could hold my tongue dealing with the couple described above which is why I would be a terrible server

Back in the early 1970s there were only a handful of female bartenders in Louisville. I was one of them. One night a FAH sat at the bar I was working, ordered a drink and demanded it be made by a male. I smiled, said I was sorry but I was the only bartender that evening BUT was quite adept at making bourbon and cokes. (And I didn't snicker. Really.) he said he be da**ed if he would ever drink a drink poured by a woman. I gave him a dime and told him to call someone that gave a rats patoot. He complained to the manager, an older man California born and raised who looked at him and asked," I am sorry. Wouldn't the pay phone take your dime?"

Why is everyone so reluctant to call people on their very bad behavior? Everyone's ego needs squashing from time to time.

Because "the customer is (almost) always right," and squashing egos can yield a ton of bad word of mouth even if it's not deserved? I'm just guessing here, but over the years I've seen the most successful people in the hospitality industry going out of their way to be good to their customers even when the customer awesomely fails to deserve it.

A restaurant that graciously deals with bad, overbearing customers is a good one and deserves to have a good reputation. I can see why management would go a long way to keep that kind of reputation.

But. Management bears some responsibility towards their employees, too, and if I were a restaurant owner or manager at some point I'd be tempted to politely but firmly tell this couple that their behavior was unacceptable and their business wasn't wanted anymore.

Maybe I should never be a restaurant owner.

One of my favorite nights was when this three top that had been terrorizing me and my staff for several years walked in and proceeded to bitch and moan about everything. One of the women was pissed off because we took the fish tacos off the menu.. She explained that she was a vegetarian and wanted her fish tacos Then she said that she would not return. The other two in the party nodded in agreement. I literally jumped for joy. I said "Do you mean it? Because no one here wants to serve you. Ever. We all think you are miserable guests . You treat everybody like crap. Please keep your word and stay away". They stormed out never to return. One of them wrote a nasty review on Urban spoon. Which was a hoot.
Sometimes you can only go do far in pleasing folks, then you have to please yourself and your staff.

Of course I doubt I could hold my tongue dealing with the couple described above which is why I would be a terrible server

A good server has earned his/her spot in heaven. I found that I can be a wonderful server for about 3 months...then I start to fantasize about dumping pots of coffee in the laps of certain guests.

Bullies everywhere. It needs to end. There also people who live by getting things free/comped. We have observed a couple over the years who even complained about the quality of a golf course in Maui so they could get a free round.
I had a big top (20) once. They didn't like the fact that the food came out in a different order than by the way I took the order. They left me a $1+ change. (No added gratuity.) Years later I saw one of the men and told him what a thrill it was, as a retired server, to blast him. He wasn't so big out of the restaurant on equal turf. Almost stammering. Helped release all those restaurant demons.