Obnoxious Guests

Obviously, another thread inspired this post. These are in no certain order:

1) Don't order water with lemon and ask for extra Splenda. We know what you're up to.

2) Asking for a female server automatically identifies you as a douchebag.

3) You might think you "know" the owner, but if you ever have to pull that card with a hostess... you really don't.

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

5) Putting your children at a separate table from the adults does not turn your server into a babysitter.

6) Medium rare PLUS is a myth.

7) ... so is "the house red" (wine).

Everyone knows your birthday was last month. Just blow out the candle and claim your free dessert.

9) I will be glad to decant your 2009 pinot noir.

10) Touching the staff in any way is a no no. (Unless it's me, but I do have a price)

11) Half sweet tea, half unsweetened tea. Really?

12) Yeah, the hostess is hot. Just because your wife is in the bathroom doesn't mean it's OK to discuss. Besides... I have dibs.

13) We closed an hour and a half ago. Surprisingly, you CAN'T get another round.

14) Yes, we do have a children's menu. No, you can't order off of it. You have a beard. Maam.

15) I totally just crop-dusted your table.


This was intended to be a humorous yet informative parody of the inspirational post. Any malice that shines through is completely unintentional.

But the customer is always... riiiight.

These all made me laugh out loud, especially that last two. Hey, fart jokes are always funny.

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

You can in New Orleans! Maybe the French name of our city confused them.

When I was a hostess, people liked to say they knew the owner - that's a real douchebag move. If you actually know the owner, and you want something out of the deal, you talk to them beforehand, let them know you're coming in and have them arrange a special table for you or whatever. You don't play the card when you show up. It is, however, not bad to ask if they happen to be in that night - the hostess is happy to give them your name and let them know you're here so they can stop by your table.

[Robin Garr]

You can in New Orleans! Maybe the French name of our city confused them.

Gotta love New Orleans!

For the record, though, you can within the confines of Fourth Street Live.

And, although it's not a written law, the open-container rules get pretty lax around Derby time ...

6) Medium rare PLUS is a myth.

Nah, that's called medium.
People get 5 choices on temperature, that should be more than enough.

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

I get a lot of folks that want to bring their "traveler" drink into the restaurant. Drives me crazy. "Hi is that alcohol in that styrofoam cop"? "yes is that a problem"? .......... I mean come on.

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

I get a lot of folks that want to bring their "traveler" drink into the restaurant. Drives me crazy. "Hi is that alcohol in that styrofoam cop"? "yes is that a problem"? .......... I mean come on.

You said "styrofoam cop"....we need more of those!! (the real ones can really ruin your day after leaving with a drink in hand...HA!)

I get a lot of folks that want to bring their "traveler" drink into the restaurant. Drives me crazy. "Hi is that alcohol in that styrofoam cop"? "yes is that a problem"? .......... I mean come on.

You mean Westport isn't BYOB? That's just funny to me, because that signifies that they've probably driven up to your restaurant with a drink in their hand. OK, not funny. Scary.

9) I will be glad to decant your 2009 pinot noir.

I ask to have younger wines decanted all the time. What's the problem since most restaurants are charging 2 or 3 times retail and I'm tipping 20% on a $50 bottle?

Just curious, but I'll continue to be obnoxious.

'Winger

I get a lot of folks that want to bring their "traveler" drink into the restaurant. Drives me crazy. "Hi is that alcohol in that styrofoam cop"? "yes is that a problem"? .......... I mean come on.

You mean Westport isn't BYOB? That's just funny to me, because that signifies that they've probably driven up to your restaurant with a drink in their hand. OK, not funny. Scary.

You mean a roadie? why, who would ever do that?

A roadie? I haven't heard that term since The Butchertown Pub back in the day. Thanks for the memories.

You mean a roadie? why, who would ever do that?

Can't say I haven't heard the term before...

I'm imagining someone on those windy roads out on the way to Westport, roadie sloshing around in the cupholder. Let's not and say we did!

You mean a roadie? why, who would ever do that?

Can't say I haven't heard the term before...

I'm imagining someone on those windy roads out on the way to Westport, roadie sloshing around in the cupholder. Let's not and say we did!

Let's just say I will confess to not bringing an alcoholic beverage into a dining establishment, but that other part... well... ask me no questions....

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

I get a lot of folks that want to bring their "traveler" drink into the restaurant. Drives me crazy. "Hi is that alcohol in that styrofoam cop"? "yes is that a problem"? .......... I mean come on.

That is pretty thoughtless and rude...personally I always down my traveler before getting out of the car, even if that means chugging half of it.

My grandpa would always take his own drinks to restaurants. He's diabetic and has a few other health issues so he has to have caffeine free and diet, which normally leaves him with water as his only choice out. I don't necessarily agree, water at one meal over the course of an hour won't kill anyone...but he's an all out obnoxious guest anyways. I learned early on to only go to fast food and buffets with him, sit down places offer too many problems and potential scenes.

4) No, you can't get a to go cup for your margarita. Moron.

You can in New Orleans!

And, although it's not a written law, the open-container rules get pretty lax around Derby time ...

You mean a roadie?

I love walking roadies... I introduced my cousin to the term when he brought all of his buddies to my house for Derby. I keep a tall stack of Cherokee Triangle Art Fair cups (with the fair one week before Derby, my stack was taller than ever ) and they used them for "roadies" all weekend up and down Bardstown Rd.

All weekend, it was: "Do you have your roadie?" and "Ready to go, I've got my roadie!".